Winding Down

I am so sad that summer is winding down. Kids head back to school next week. Until then I am soaking up every last minute here in Paradise, Vermont. Bobby is back from six weeks at summer camp and was invited to spend a week in Maine on the Ocean with his best friend and his family. How could we say "no"?  The Other Mother and I are on vacation with just the toddler. We have blissfully enjoyed our time with little Miss Natalie. Watching her explore the world  and grow in knowledge and skill has been our guilty pleasure: We don't watch TV anymore - we just watch her and marvel at how clever she is. I seriously doubt she will be so indulged when she returns home to her very young mom and two little brothers (most likely in October). I figure anything we can do to instill some self confidence and a core sense of love and goodness can only make her transiton to her chaotic home environment easier.

We have been seriously wrestling with the idea of moving to Northern Vermont permanently. I wouldn't miss my high taxes, miserable driveway, or musty basement, but I would sooooo miss my foster-adoption peeps.  They hold me up and bring richness to my life. My wise friends in Vermont said I can drive back to visit them. True.

 Our recent visitor as seen from the front porch- thank goodness he doesn't linger - just meanders through every two weeks or so.  He or one of his friends were causing trouble up the street this week scavenging through trash left out. Poor adolescent bears: they are kicked out of the den and on their own in a big scary world! To think The Other Mother used this as an excuse why she didn't go running that morning!!! Silly Momma!

Saved by Grace

Baby Grace left late this afternoon. The courts returned her to an older relative as we expected. She is a cute, healthy baby, obviously well cared for and very much loved. I am happy to see her go "home" to a more appropriate setting than before - but still a little sad that the crib is empty and the infant toys and gear will be washed and put away. Loving on a little baby is exactly what we need after feeling so used up with our recent experience fostering James. I think The Other Mother and I were wondering if we were done with fostering....it can be soo discouraging sometimes. Thanks Baby Grace for renewing my love for fostering.

I have been dragging my sorry behind...no energy. I think I am peri-menopausal (GASP!).  My cycles are changing to every other month and I am not loving it even a tiny little bit. I feel like I am riding a hormonal roller coaster. I am totally wiped out from this month's cycle. Not fun. The Other Mother teased me for spending most of my free time this weekend sleeping, thinking about sleep or recovering from a nap.  On Sunday, baby Natalie and I took a three hour nap. Today I woke with more energy but I felt absolutely bone tired in the late afternoon.  I actually went down the basement to throw in a load of laundry (baby bedding and car seat covers) and worked out on the Gazelle (like an elliptical) for an entire wash cycle (since I was too tired to go back upstairs for my iphone to time myself.....). Sweating and moving around felt great. I'm doing the vitamin thing - but may need to add some iron.

Anyone have suggestions for diet, exercise or vitamins etc? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Sum-Summm Summertime...

It has been a busy few weeks here in Paradise, New England. Summer and all her glory are upon us.
At the end of the school year we received a call to care for Baby Dee (a medically challenged baby we had in care with us last year) while her Mom was in the hospital. The DFS case closed long ago and Baby Dee came to stay with us because her Mom had folks call us.  Mom said we were the only ones she trusted to take care of Dee.  It was wonderful to see her and spend ten delicious days with her...but sad to see her go. Wished we lived closer. She is still soooo very tiny - just 16 pounds at 2 years old! Her Mom is grateful we are in her lives as we are grateful she has maintained our relationship by staying in touch. Our social worker was happy to hear the connection remains. Sometimes it really does take a village ....

Bobby is away at camp for several weeks. He had such a good time last year with two sessions, this year he is attending for three sessions (six weeks). The idea being next year four sessions and the following year counselor in training...etc. It is a well respected nationally based camp that we also sent our older bio son to for several summers when he was young.  I am impressed with the programs offered and the confidence my children have returned with.  Bobby was with us for three years and age 11 before we first sent him to camp. His therapist at the time last year thought sleep away camps were over-rated for adopted kids. So glad I politely ignored her. Bobby had three years with us before we sent him to camp and, for our family, that was more than enough time.  

Little Miss Natalie- an 18 month old theatrical diva is doing very well with us: thriving and gaining skills. Although she qualified for early intervention services, I am confident she will be discharged soon! I expect she will be with us for about six months based on the snails pace at which her parents are working on what they need to work on to get their kids back...I mean seriously?? I just do-not-get-it: how can parents dig in their heels and refuse to do the basics to get their kids back. Whatever.

My oldest bio son (almost 22) has found true love and is moving in/has moved in with his new girlfriend and her two year old child. I wish them well but worry. I can't help it - it is just what I do: worry, obsess, offer unsolicited advice and talk to much. - just to name a few of my "tics".

James finally moved out one week ago and remains in a RTC. Stealing several hundred dollars of our money, hacking computers, coming home with stolen electronics, hoarding food wrappers in zip lock bags, pulling out his eyebrows. Yeah. But that isn't why he is gone! He called his Social Worker from his Therapists's Office and asked to go to summer respite. Yeah. There isn't such a thing. He thought he could ask to be moved someplace fun for the summer then come back to live with us for school so he could play football. Fortunately DFS recognized his behaviors had escalated to the point he could not continue in our home. I feel sad that he lived with us for a year and a half and at the end he was no more connected to us than the day he arrived. I'm familiar with attachment stuff and mental illness and teen angst, but I am still surprised sometimes.

Subsequently, The Other Mother and I are pretty much done with providing foster care for crazy adolescent boys. Actually, The Other Mother was pretty much done with foster care altogether.  Although I am not an equestrian, I am all about "getting right back on the horse that threw ya".  Which is why I immediately said yes to the first call from DCF for a baby because it was a slam dunk that it was pretty certain it was just for a few days...soooooooo

We cared for a beautiful two week old baby girl, Rose, for a few days until she went home to her Dad.

Next we said yes to a four month old girl, Grace, who will also likely go home in a few days to her extended family.  I am just loving "lovin' on" little babies right now...and to be honest, I am also loving the short term thing as well.

The photo below was jacked (with love) from Christine at Welcome to My Brain. Seriously. I am just too lazy to get up and find my phone and upload/email whatever it is that I need to do to a picture to get it from "there" to "here"....The photo shows some (but not all) of the N'Orlando Moms (which unofficially sort of stands for the New England/North East Orlando Moms) We meet monthly and share food and laughter and tears. During the school year we met during the day: bringing the littles while the bigs were at school. Now that school is out we brought the whole mess of us together at a lovely state park in New England: Seven Moms, One Wonderful Dad and TWENTY-ONE kids....Bliss.

Bliss to be around other Moms who "get-it" and know and respect our flavor of craziness (lesbian foster-adoptive-bio moms of challenging bigs and stinkin' cute littles).

And since I am sleep deprived from caring for 2 babies and do not have any independent thought what so ever, I have again replicated Christine by listing who is pictured (left to right): 
Ali from Crawford Life And Times
The Other Mother from The Other Mother's Blog
Christine from Welcome To My Brain
Corey fromWatching the Waters
Our dear friend H who does not blog..
Kellie from That's What She Said
and me, Mama from ..well, from RIGHT here at Mama Drama - Times Two

Oh yeah - and let's not forget the Dad.

Can't wit until next month when we (hopefully!) do it again.

Happy Anniversary

Today I celebrate 3 years of legal wedded bliss to The Other Mother. Twenty years together....We celebrated in style: went and worked out in our basement gym: 6 sweaty miles side by side on the elliptical and gazelle. I'm having a bowl of frosted mini-wheats and on the computer and she is channel surfing/watching political documentaries in the other room. All is well with the universe.

James is still with us, although a friend from school may be a resource: the social worker is running criminal background checks and looking into it! James has wanted a family with a Dad for soooo long: this could be good for him if they check out!

Baby Dee is back with us for a (hopefully) brief stay while her Mom has some health issues. She is sooo tiny: 16 pounds at 23 months - wearing size 3-6 months clothes. Our cat is bigger than she is. Geesh. Her genetic disorder/syndrome is largley responsible for her slow growth and low weight...She can run and climb like crazy cakes....although her expressive communication is limited she can understand quite a bit...



Baby Natalie is thriving at 18 months! Gaining weight and walking for 6 weeks and using WORDS! She has developed quite a few words/phrases and her personality is shining through. Boy is she fierce! It is interesting to watch the two girls together...I have a new found respect for parents of twins. Holy Smokes am I tired chasing those two!

Bobby gets ready for camp in a few short weeks. He is looking forward to it - and, truth be told, so am I.  The time he spends with kids his own age will be good for him...

My lovely wife finishes (graduates?) next weekend from a three year lay minstry program through UCC. Even though she is technically finished, she is repeating two classes in the fall: she really liked the teacher/subject matter. Whatever. She is such a geek...which of course is one of the main reasons why I love her so.

I have lost my ooomph for blogging lately....just trying to keep my head above water managing our home and family...by the time evening rolls around I am tooooo tired to sit and blog or read blogs...I've been spending time with my bff and joined an informal foster/adoption toddler play group. I'm also facebooking it and enjoying that connection.

I am heading to Orlando next March for the Second Annual ETAAM - and am blessed to have so many wonderful women to lean on and hold up in love. Parenting tramatized kids is not easy...Heck, parenting neurotypical kids is not easy! I am so very grateful that I have both my local Foster/Adoption support network and my extended support network as resources to help me be a better parent. Thank you ladies and gents!!!!

I turn 50 next week. A half a century. WOW. How did that happen???? I feel 34 inside. My stiff joints and creaky knees feel 60, though. I got an iphone for my birthday (I loved my tracfone and still carry it with me.....I am loyal, if not foolish) and am having a blast playing silly games and trying out new apps....

Happy first day of summer !!!!!

May the Lord Provide

May the Lord Provide

May G-d give us good fortune,

love,

a burning furnace,

grains to fill my empty bushel,

a hand to shake my lonely hand,

A flame to my lamp so I need not

too early in my bed lie,

Answers to questions He should send

So my faith won't shatter,

May G-d give us lights,

Instead of funerals - life,

Asking for me is a shameful thing

So without asking,

He should give.

(Original poem: Adjon az Isten by László Nagy) Originally viewed on the blog KOSHER KOLA.

Not Much - How 'bout You?

My dear friend  Marla reminded me I have not posted on my blog in several weeks. A combination of being busy chasing a toddler, sick with a nasty sinus infection, and conscious of the fact I could easily sound whiny and petty has kept me from writing and reading blogs.

We spent this past weekend at the seashore - enjoying all that Spring in New England has to offer....Well...The Other Mother and the boys did....I stayed at the cottage with the baby, Natalie, who pateintly watched me slog out the basement from her high chair.  Yeah. The basement at my parent's cottage near the seashore flooded from a pin hole leak in a pipe....Apparently, this is our year of wet basements. As much as I would have liked to chill at the ocean or the ponds...I'm glad the cottage and basement is somewhat under control as we have summer renters who begin arriving at the end of the month. 

We are in the last few blessed weeks of school here. Bobby is already excited and nervous about spending six weeks at camp. He went for four weeks last year and LOVED it. He came back a whole new boy - filled with self confidence and less hyper-vigilant about everything. Being plum tuckered out by a day of kayaking and swimming and tennis can do that....We are hoping that next year he will attend for the full summer (four sessions)and the following summer be a CIT....(counselor in training)

In order to inspire the Division of Family Services to take some action on James' behalf, we have formally given notice for James to move at the end of the school year. For more than a year he has been asking to live in a home with a Dad or an African American home....last I checked, we are two crazy white women. This September he enters High School and his wishes need to be respected. We, however, have mixed feelings. We want him to be happy - but we like having him in our home. It is up to him, I guess.

The Other Mother and I are signed up for the Second Annual Early Trauma And Attachment Meeting to be held March 2-5 in Orlando. Thank heaven for these wild women and amazing mothers who converge in a flurry of need and want for a few brief days much like an army of ants marching to a sugar cube.  They scrimp and save and travel from ALL OVER (US and Canada- eh?) just to be held up in love and understanding over the joys and sorrows of parenting attachment and behaviorally challenged children. I can't wait. If you will also be there - leave a comment below and let me know.

Whatsup

Spring is really here in New England- the mosquitoes have hatched. Relaxing on the front porch is no longer relaxing....Damn insects. Regardless, The Other Mother and Bobby have purchased and planted flower boxes and have done a super job sprucing up the yard. This weekend my oldest, Alex, is best man at his friend's wedding. Wedding??? When did they grow up? Where was I when this happened? 

Bobby is on the cusp of adolescence. Being more secretive of his school life, quietly testing the limits: not responding to routine requests and selective deafness, for example. All age appropriate. Yesterday he even went to a school friend's house to "hang out".  He walked there, played Wii, and had even had a nice time... Peer relations are a challenge for Bobby. He'd rather hang out with the grownups to monitor what we are doing and saying. To just "go be a kid" is very hard for Bobby.

James is on his second unsupervised weekend visit with his bio-family. Last week's visit did not go so well.  He stayed up all night playing video games with one of his brothers, then missed his gym workout with his mentor, then was not at home and nowhere to be found when it was time to be picked up by his Social Worker on Sunday evening. James' Social Worker did some CSI investigating about the baggie of cash we found. James claims the $300 bucks was from his Mom's house - but apparently Mom looked vacant and confused about this and did not corroborate James story.This weekend's visit was a second chance. We'll see how it goes.

For the past week have been providing respite for a teeny-tiny one year old boy, Logan,  while his foster family traveled far-far away for a long planned extended vacation. The twin bed was dismantled and a crib assembled in it's place. It seemed like the right thing to do: to say YES to caring for a little baby.

Our hearts and home are still a little raw after the emotional storm of caring for Manny. Working through our mixed feelings, of anger, sadness, grief, worry. So many feelings. Helping to transition and to heal our hearts by lovin' on a little one sounded like a good idea.  It sweetened the pie when they assured us the baby, Logan, was a short term placement and that he slept through the night - which he does.

A few days later our Social Worker called again - this time needing to place a sibling group of three under the age of four.... You'll be happy to know we have some boundaries and have not completely lost our minds....So we said YES to the just the youngest - a sweet little 15 month old girl - Natalie. Don't worry - We have a plan to visit regulary with her two siblings. She is totally grooving on having some individual attention and not having to compete with her older, much needier sibs. Next week we'll have a better sense if she is going to be placed with relatives or if Natalie will stay with us for a while...

Love to chat but I had better finish baby proofing the house. Quick.