Par For The Course

Tonight Bucksquat had his heart broken yet again by RADish.

For at least five minutes tonight, all was well. I stepped out on the front porch with my coffee to give the five-minute warning. You know the drill: it's getting late, time to pick up and come in for snack - blah blah blah. The other-mother was upstairs on the computer doing some much-overdue homework for the lay ministry program she is in, the fire flies were out in full force, the mosquito's were doing their best to annoy me and the three boys were playing golf on the front lawn, breaking in the new sand-trap hole that Bucksquat had spent two days creating. Doesn't get much better that that.

Next thing I know, Bucksquat is inside, laying on his bed crying. Now, his bedroom windows open to the front porch - so there was no plausible deniability...I had to deal with it. But not unitl I went inside and microwaved my coffee....

He followed me to the kitchen and with firm eye contact and eyes overflowing with tears, Bucksquat bravely choked out "The nicer I am to him the meaner he is." Which, of course, pushes the REPLAY button on his own PTSD issues.....

I hate it when his heart is breaking. Hate it.

So I look him square in the eye and tell the truth. "Yes. That is exactly what happens. You get it! He's mean if we are nice. You expect he will appreciate your hard work like you do, and when he doesn't you are really disappointed. He just can't deal with people being nice to him right now. I'm sorry that happened, but you get it, though! We can't keep getting mad at him for something he just can't do right now."

I mean - how do you explain RAD to a 10 year old whose heart is breaking?????

Buckquat speaks the language of love through gifts of objects, drawings, brings us flowers, does sweet things for people. It is almost like his being extra kind to others diminishes the power of the many unkindnesses (and abuse & neglect) he has experienced. Sweaty, muddy, tear-streaked Bucksquat had spent two days meticulously creating a new and challenging hole on our family 4 hole mini golf course located in yard - and had sacrificed a whole big chunk of lawn to create a "sand trap" because he knows how much he and RADish and AK (Average Kid) enjoy golf...so I get how genuine his sadness truly is.

Here is where AK stepped up!!!! While I was talking with Bucksquat in the kitchen , AK was rummaging through my greeting card box in the living room and found a stinkin-cute card with a dog on it and independently wrote a note to Bucksquat thanking him for the work on the golf course...and he even signed RADish's name. Wow.

Bucksquat was grateful, and immediately knew it was all AK's doing. AK and I had a little WOOT-WOOT chat, praising AK for being a nice kid, stepping up and doing the right thing and for recognizing that MEAN just SUCKS.