As Radish's behaviors have gotten more and more bizzare and dangerous over the past month we have had to get creative. One of his talents is whispering and verbally/physically targeting kids when he thinks the adults aren't looking - and often times he does it on the down low even when we are looking or in the same room or vehicle. Last week while we were driving to VT he was putting a pillow over another child's face because he didn't want the child to look at him. He did not see why I needed to slam on the brakes and pull over and grab the pillow. His behavior is not safe and it is challenging to keep the others safe around him.
As a result we have two other children often in tears and afraid to sleep in the same room because Radish is "scaring them" and "being creepy". Although a recent evaluation deems him a low risk to sexually offend AGAIN, his targeting-predatory-space invading-touching behaviors indicate otherwise. The Division of Family Services wanted us to use a baby monitor in the bedroom of a child who would sleep on A DIFFERENT FLOOR than Radish. Our reply was what about the kids who sleep on the same floor or share a room????? Someone on ANOTHER FLOOR needs a baby monitor for safety??? Holy smokes.
As the adults in the house we are challenged to go through our daily routine and still provide the level of monitoring necessary for safety. I have got to go to the bathroom sometime and go downstairs to switch the laundry etc... Even getting them all to help unload groceries...we are not able to provide the 1:1 monitoring necessary with Radish.
Because he is so smooth and subtle in his targeting / taunting / threatening behaviors we had to get creative: We explained to the other kids that baseball coaches - and athletes - often have secret signals. For coaches it's a way to communicate with their players without everyone knowing...and that we understood that sometimes things are getting out of hand and they might be feeling overwhelmed and want an adult to step in and seperate the kids to give everyone a break/some space...but they don't need us in their face constantly and they don't want to tattle or let Radish know what he is doing is bothering them (which is the golden invitation for repeat performances of the offending behaviors). Also, we explained that we trust that they can work out most of the day to day issues and we don't want to intervene constantly if it isn't what they need from us. They really got it and were relieved!!!!
So the deal is they are to make eye contact with one of us and tug at their earlobe/itch their earlobe. Sort of like how Carol Burnett used to signal her mother at the end of each of her TV Shows. We will then casually step in/interrupt the action without calling attention to anyone or anything in particular. It is not a "Tattle" tool - just a "Take A Break" tool....
The first time AK used it we were at a picnic at friends sitting around the campfire. AK was standing next to me. I am oblivious... clueless...... when he finally says... "My ear really itches." DUHHHHHH!!!!! I responded something about "Oh do you have a mosquito bite? Lets go inside where I have some light and can see it better...." I brougth AK inside, fixed him a juice and directed him to another activity and didn't need to get into the tattle game....Radish continued to play outside....
Anyhow - it was a useful tool to use in a public setting. It allowed everyone a little break and did not engage in the blame game....
Just like in West Wing! It does help if the signal-ee is paying attention to receive the signal :-)
ReplyDeleteFor the sake of all the children in your home I think you are making the right decision to have him removed.
ReplyDeleteWe have a rescue code, but it is outside the house. If they call and say they "really, really want to stay" and after we say "of course" they ask again, that means we are supposed to go get them. It works because if we are especially slow one day and keep saying "sure, I said you could stay" they can keep pleading, or ask to talk to the other parent until we remember.
ReplyDeleteThe kids have never used it except to test it, but they like knowing it. We've always told them that no matter how awful the situation is, the fact that they called to be rescued is going to mean they aren't in trouble with us.
I like yours though. Sounds like a great idea when you have a kid in the house who is a threat to others.