We spend a good amount of time near the Canadian Border. At the beginning of the weekly Band Concert they play the National Anthems for both Canada and The United States. Everyone stands. Many sing. Some hum. Others, like me, close their eyes and soak in the songs of others.
But everyone stands.
Out of respect.
It made me think parenting a child with Attachment Issues is like a Summer Time Band Concert on the Canadian Border.
How so?
We are asked to stand with respect and patience as our RAD child sings a song we do not know the words to. Sometimes we get the feeling or sentiment, but just don't know the words. Just when we think we know the rhythm, the tune changes and we are lost.
Lost.
Waiting.
Listening.
Straining.
Impatient for a familiar note.
Something familiar that speaks to us and says "Oh, yes. Here we are in our song. Here YOU are. I know YOU".
Much like our song of Attachment.
Our children speak a language we do not always understand and live a life we do not always have the skills or energy to parent. It is hard. Very, very hard. No matter. We stand with them and by them and near them. Even when they sing a different national anthem and we don't know the words. We stand next to them respectfully while they sing.
Even when they push us away.
Especially when they push us away.
At the concerts we go to, both flags fly. The US slightly above Canada. Whichever flag is higher lets you know which country you are in. Who is in charge.
Living on the border between Canada and the US, or parenting on the border between Attached and Unattached, as we do, some days it is hard to tell whose flag is flying higher
On the good days, I like to think my parent flag flies slightly above the flags of my children.
On a really good day it actually does
So we stand in respect for whoever's flag is flying or when each other's anthem plays.
Parenting a child with Attachement Issues...If you don't know the words: relax and try to hum along.
I think that sometimes not only do we not understand the words to their song, they don't understand the words to our song. We sing attachment, they hear whatever unhealthy things or scary things or sad things those meant in their previous experiences. In an unrelated note, I have friends who live in Glover VT which is also near the border.
ReplyDeleteThis actually gave me chills. It's such an appropriate analogy. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said :o)
ReplyDelete