Getting On That Horse Again

Several inches of snow in the Mountain Towns on Saturday...Drizzly rain for the rest of us. Doesn't anyone in charge know it is Spring? The barest hint of green has appeared on the tree branches. A few brave daffodills have dared to bloom. Forsythia - eager, impatiently joyful, forsythia are in bloom - contrary to both weather and temperature.

Me?  Am I blooming? No. But I am slowly regaining my footing in a world turned upside down by the recent implosion and departure of Manny.  As directed and encouraged, I am being gentle on myself. Kind. Taking things slowly. Cleaning - spiritually, metaphorically and literally. Bleach is my friend. A gallon of a lovely pale celery green is destined for my hallway and guest bathroom. New towels -grass green and teal plaid, a matching plaid rug that will not be peed and pooped upon, a new toilet seat and some Laura Ashley candles complete the reclamation of my bathroom.

I find myself trying to put order in my home, my closets, my cabinets, my day, my plans. Manny's extreme behaviors and mental illness turned us all "skee-wiff" like a carnival ride and my internal gyroscope is seeking balance. Don't worry - I'm not getting all OCD and alphabetizing my canned goods  - but I did refold my bath towels and sort and match my sock drawer.

This past week I was sucked into the vortex of cabin-fever depression. For you non-New Englanders it is like jogging in quicksand - a bleak existential hell caused by an endlessly long winter with no hope of spring. It was awful and I had no energy or motivation to do much. Add to that my sadness over the enormity of Manny's "many" issues and you can easily see how much fun I was to be around last week.  Oh, how Depression sucks.

I spoke to Manny's social worker and he came by to pick up Manny's things. I spoke to Manny's former foster parents, too. We are all sad over Manny's current situation but not surprised considering all he has been through. The therapist at the hospital I spoke early in the week reiterated Manny was communicating with his behaviors. Ya think?

I am so grateful for my friends who "get it" and "get me" and understand the pain of foster care. My BFFF (best foster friend forev-ah) Marla (one of the Mountain Top Moms) took me for a country ride last week and to lunch. This week we took our kids to the movies to a matinee during school vacation week. It was bliss. Marla even bought me a new teapot ( I burned mine recently) because she enjoys coming to our house for tea..... Thank the heavens for good friends.

Saturday I went to the library ALONE and scooped a stack of books for my A to Z Challenge. This year I am reading Books by both Author and Title...one book for each letter of the alphabet. Fifty two books. A measurable task to occupy my mind. Reading is my escape. My drug of choice: the written word.

This book is a reflection on nature - essays and observations of Maine and Cape Cod. Hays writing is lyrical and draws you into his world. Having spent time on both Maine and Cape Cod, it was easy to lose myself in his imagery. I read on Saturday in THE MOM CAVE - (our upstairs guest room /den)while The Other Mother scanned photos from old photo albums into her computer. Curled up on the futon with the cat to keep my feet warm and a cup of tea to keep my hands warm, I read.  Really, it was such a luxury reading undisturbed. A welcome respite on this drizzly rainy afternoon.

Tuesday our Family Social Worker from The Division of Family Services is coming by as part of our annual Foster Care relicensing. She wants to talk about the successes and challenges we have had during the past year.  Relicensing? To keep doing Foster Care? Seriously? When she called the other day, I told her The Other Mother isn't too eager to get on that horse (taking in more placements), and that we are both a little fried and need a break. She was very understanding and told to take whatever time we need.

Yeah. So last night The Other Mother and were online shopping at "The Wall of Marts" and "Tar Jay" for a cute little netbook mini-laptop: tourquoise or lime green?.....and while we were there, I selected a really nice fixed-side style crib and mattress set for under $200. Although our current crib was not among those recalled, we have wanted to replace our drop-side style crib with the recommended fixed side style for some time. Our crib mattress got wet in our recent basement flooding, and needed replacing.



Hmmmm. If we are not fostering infants, we really don't need a crib....

So if we are putting a crib in our online shopping basket, I guess that means even if we are not ready for more high need (KaaaaRayyyyyZeeeeee) adolescent boys just yet, we are willing to get on the "baby" horse one more time...

....just after we take a little break.