Court Investigator Visits

A court Investigator called Wednesday afternoon and visited our home Wednesday night to meet Baby Dee and the Mamas. She has a report due Friday and there is a court hearing next Friday. Things could move QUICKLY after next Friday. I have been rather introspective (and not blogging about my BIG FEELINGS) about the whole Baby Dee thing as I come to terms with my changing feelings about her reunification plan. I am actually hoping the baby is reunified with her Bio Mom rather than going to a new foster home on the other side of the state. Her Mom loves her and will have much support and over-sight on the other side of the state. I just hate the idea of her getting bounced from foster home to foster home....ARGHHH. I have seen Attachment Disorder - and it ain't pretty. I hope that Baby Dee's early medical experiences coupled with Failure to Thrive and being sent into Foster Care don't mix a magical potion of Attchment Disorder.

When I told the investiagtor that the baby was placed in our home with a diagnosis of Failure To Thrive (FTT)she commented that now that we have the diagnosis of Cornelia de lange Syndrome (CdLS) we know it wasn't Failure To Thrive. I tried to explain that one does not exclude the other - that the baby could have Failure to Thrive AND CdLS. Even though Mom burped and loved and fed and changed her baby and cared for her to the best of her abilities at some very primal level the baby's needs were not being met (pain from reflux? Being able to breathe without great effort?) and the baby SHUT DOWN, disconnected from her two overwhelming environments (a loud, bustling drug rehab shelter and several neo-natal intensive care hospitalizations) and turned inward: Failure To Thrive. The diagnosis of FTT should not be seen as an indictment against Bio-Mom's parenting skills, but merely an accurate description of what happens to a medically fragile, premature infant when they are in chronic pain and constantly over-stimulated. It ain't pretty.

I praised Mom's involvement at doctor's appointments and related several anecdotes on how Mom demonstrated "doing the right thing" for the baby - puting the baby's needs first, and following subtle instructions on caring for the baby. we also reiterated that Bio-Mom's cognitive challenges would make it VERY DIFFICULT for Mom to understand and convey the complex medical information she'd be dealing with. We suggested she could carry Medical Alert Cards for protocols for the baby's care and have a letter for physicians/clinicans outlining some CdLS protocols.

We offered to be an ongoing resource, transport the baby across the state for transitional visits to Mom's new apt. before reunifying, provide respite if needed, remain a supportive presence in both Mom's and the baby's life - and to be open to having the baby return to us if Mom relapses from her recovery. We also said we'd keep her forever if we could. How could we not?????

So we reported honestly and hope and pray for the best - what ever the judge decides BEST will look like.