Being Overweight Is No Laughing Matter

So I go to get on the scale this am.
Ya know.
To weigh myself.
Never, ever a good idea first thing in the morning- makes me cranky -but I did it anyhow. 
My scale is digitial
You have to tap it with your toe to get the light thingy to start up and reset to 0.0. 
Once it resets to 0.0 you can get on it and it shows your weght after 2 or 3 seconds. 
Cool.

So this morning I tap and wait and it says lo
I do a double take as I am sure it said lol.
Really.
Which would be a very unkind thing for a scale to say.
Especially to it's overweight, middle aged owner first thing in the morning...
Anyhow, I tried it again: tapped.
Waited for 0.0 and hopped on . 
This time the screen went black. 
Yeah.
Black.
Apparently lo means low battery.

At least it isn't laughing out loud....

I Seek Community

I blog because I willingly parent children with challenging behaviors and seek the wisdom and experience of blogging moms who have gone before me.  I blog because I seek community.   I seek THEIR community.  I blog because typing here about my family and our daily drama (times two) affords my children far more privacy than if I tried to talk about it with a mom from the PTO whose kids go to school with mine or at afteschool socccer practice- because, really, we know how confidential that can be.   Sometimes I just need to SPEW about my day.  I blog because my spouse's hands are already full with the many plates she is spinning deftly and with grace. Why add to it? I blog because I seek community.  I blog because I am community.  I AM community. Wow. It amazes me still that people actually read what I write and find humor and a shared humanity in my words.

Shared humanity. Isn't that why we are all here? Because we have difficult kids and publicly seek the support and wisdom and parenting tips of a greater community? Parenting children like ours can be tough. I parent kids with abuse, assault, mistreatment and neglect in their past. Children with Mental Illmess: ODD, PTSD, ADHD, Bi-Polar, Major Depressive Disorder, Disruptive Behavior Disorders - and sometimes all in the same kid. Wow. Poor kids, Poor Moms. No one should have to do it alone. Alone we will be if we are afraid to blog. Blogging witch hunts will do just that - further isolate moms and kids who need the support and understanding of others. How sad.

Anyhow I sit here caught between wanting to blog my lungs out about the injustice and unfairness of a fractured CPS system and wanting to hide quietly in the privacy of my home and stay under the radar of the latest witch hunt (uh, I meant to say blogger purge).

What about you? What are you caught between?

picture from dealfatigue.com

Unfreakin' Believable

Unfreakin' Believable. My head is still spinning at the ramifications that an amazing blogging Mom (Tudusamom) has had 3 of her children removed by CPS for blogging about their behaviors on the internet. Whoa Nellie. Not for something she did, but for writing about her kids. 

Blogging.

For blogging?

About behaviors?

Behaviors of difficult kids????

Holy Smokes!!!!!!!!!!!1

Last I checked this is the good old You-Ess-Of-Ay.

Ya know? US of A?

The country with freedom of speech and such.

Freedom of Speech?

Apparently not.

This could be any one of us. Yep. CPS could be knocking at your door on a holiday without a warrant with a 15 passenger van waiting to take your kids away. Once Lost is kind enough to post information about Tudusamom here. If you are so moved, Corey had some ideas here on how to help with legal fees and letter writing and such.

I am torn between wanting to scream about the injustice of it all and wanting to hide out under the radar of the latest witch hunt (blogger hunt, I mean).

Unfreakin' Believable.

You know me - when you can't decide between two things - take em both. So for a while, at least, I'll be screaming under the radar.

And you? What will you be doing?

picture from Silicone Valley Watcher: dichtel

Caleb and Levi's Birthday

It was the Twin's birthday yesterday: Caleb was a little jealous of the cool fleece vest his twin brother Levi received for their birthday. The younger of the two, Caleb often felt his brother was favored, though we treated them both the same.





Seriously. It is my 21 year old son on November 11, 2006 on his 17th Birthday. With long hair and a hefty, hefty, chin strap. Lookin' rather Amish and outdoorsy. We did call him Caleb that fall - to tease and show our love of his new look. We still call him Caleb once on a while when his hair is getting long. What I notice is that in his younger pictures he looks older. Now at 20, he often looks 16 or 17...then he turns his head a certain way and all I can see is my Dad...complete with the posture, mannerisms and long, lean body shape...takes my breath away sometimes how he is like my Dad.

Anyhow - I'll probaby be getting all nostalgic and weepy that my baby is a big boy now: TWENTY ONE!

Friday Fragments On A Tuesday Evening

Some random thoughts. The Littles are in fact leaving next Thursday. I have big mixed feelings about this. But I'm not gonna pee all over the house like some other un-named individuals do when they have big feelings. Unless, of course, I start sneezing or coughing - in which case all bets are off.

Although I did the 30 Day Blog Challenge in Septemebr, November has been a total writing slump. Truly. So I am going for the random - Friday Fragments on Tuesday (is that even allowed???)

I get to meet my GRANDSON tomorrow for the first time.  We have all been sick, coughing, sneezing, sniffling and generally hackin' up a lung for the past 3 weeks and have not been healthy enough to meet Andrew Taylor.  Tomorrow at 8 am ...can't wait! His Momma, our first foster daughter - the one who taught us how to Mother Other People's Children will bring her new baby by to meet his Grandmas (It still sounds awkward...Grandma??? Me???? Us???)

I FINALLY found my missing spare tracfone (the black one with 1347 minutes on it).  It was in the digital camera case.  Which means my digitial camera is now among the missing.  Great. Early Onset Alzheimers sucks. At least I think it does.  I really can't remember. Now what was I talking about????

Spent the weekend with our oldest son who turns 21 on Veteran's Day. The other Mother made an AMAZING photo slide show on a DVD for Alex.  It was a good thing I was NOT PMSing or I'd have been bawling my eyes out.  Instead I was just grinning ear to ear with joy at the fine young man he has become.

Last night The Other Mother and I went to the Community Accountability Board Dinner sponsored by the County Sheriff's Office. It was a lovely evening. The Other Mother has volunteered with CAB for six years now working with folks returning to their communities after leaving the prison system. Restorative Justice. Important work in such a fractured society we live in.

Lately, I feel a greater need to respect the privacy of  my children by not talking about our daily lives in too much detail and certainly not getting a laugh at their and my expense. Which is really, really hard for someone as whiny and sarcastic as me who just can go onandonandonandon about the latest "drama" in my life......

Did I mention I am in a writing slump??? - which is why the 30 Day Blog Challenge was so much fun- it gave me specific things to write about and I didn't need to be creative or witty or enlightened. All I had to do was answer the daily writing prompt.

I am tired at night.  Which is new for me as I have always been a night-owl. I am pushing 50 (or actually 48 for the third year in a row) and just plain old bone-tired and wiped out at the end of the night when I would usually sit to compose a post. I thought sleep deprivation with infants was a challenge? Nope - these 4 guys have me yawning by 7 pm.

I had a mammogram today and they used the new digital system - which (much to my surprise) is very similar to the old style of mammogram.  It still hurt like heck and I was once again stunned that my bewbs returned to their normal shape after being flattened like a pancake (or Jonnycake if you are from Rhode Island!!!!!) I have a lump on the same breast where two others have been removed and will wait for the word from the radiologist. Trying not to freak out - but, Crap.

It is Birthday central here. James turned 14 last week as did RADish (the young man who started me on this road to blogging ruin...) and Bobby's sister A., Bobby turns 12 next week, Erica turned 24 yesterday, and Alex turns 21 on the 11th.  Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too many of our kids are Scorpios (with their BIG personalities).  Coincidence???

This weekend we are hosting A. and A. (two of Bobby's three older sisters.) who will join us for dinner late Sunday Afternoon.  This will be hard for Bobby as he has some big feelings about them not returning his phone calls and feeling left out of their lives. Hopefully the older A will bring her newborn daughter for the visit and hopefully the younger A will not set out to get pregnant just because her 2 older sisters have.

Hopefully I'll be back to my usually witty and charming (and sometimes caustic and sarcastic) self soooooon!

Until then, I remain yours, truly.

XXXOOOO ....

Randomness

I'm baa-ack. Didjya miss me??? I've been reading instead of writing and enjoying the residual bliss of our 20th Anniversary/Child Free weekend away. 

So I'm cooking dinner tonight and sneak a kiss with the Other Mother in the kitchen and I say "I love the way you smell - I'd recognize your scent anywhere - kinda like how The Alien recognizes Sigourney Weaver in Alien Resuurection?".  The Other Mother says "Now there's an image I want in my head while you're kissin' me". So much for romance. You'd think after twenty years I'd know the right things to say. Nope.  She still loves me, anyway.

The Littles are headin' home to a relative as early as before Thanksgiving according to our family social worker witht he Division of Family Services.  Another regional office was doing a homestudy on the relative and preliminary results are looking good. Yep. Bee Four. B-4 Thanksgiving............Wooot Hooot.

Ya know... I'm speaking honestly here: The Other Mother and I both agreed that now that we know when they could be leaving - it can't be soon enough.  I love their stinkin little heads - and have thought about what our lives would look like if they didn't go home...but they are crazy as bedbugs when you put them together....Apart they are both a joy.  But, together? Not so much.

On Friday the Middle Little carried our sweet cat across the driveway and down to the large rocks that border the basketball court and KICKED the cat off the rocks.  Saturday the neighborhood kids and our kids reported a repeat performance. He kicked the cat again.  We have caught him in the past stepping full body weight on the golden retreiver's foream bone.Yeah. Not cool. Not cool at all. You can scream, screech, kick, throw things and can even pee all over my house - but don't mess with my animals. Really. Don't.

Tuesday - the four kids were home from school because of election day - Oh.My.Head. How do homeschooling Moms do it????  I know it is really just our reactions to the change in routine..but still: homeschooling Moms Rock The House.

James turned 14 this week.  His bio Mom forgot to show up for his birthday visit.  Yeah.  That's gotta suck.  James is handling it OK and used his new found desire for teen independence and walked two and a half miles to the library - where he spent the afternoon with books and with out little kids (OK so I am a teeny tiny bit jealous he could just walk out of the chaos for a few hours.....sigh)

Middle Little was playing with the little girl next door and fell face first on the basketball court and his nose looks as though it has gone through a meat grinder. Ouch.

Older Little had some very specific suicidal thoughts he shared with the kids, who, thankfully, shared those with the grownups right away.  We asked lots of questions and hustled himself off to the psychiatrist on Wednesday morning. Ahhhh. The roller coaster ride of bi-polar....

I have a nasty migraine today - combo of stress, my period and the low pressure of the rain: the clouds are so low here in the Valley.  It was a month ago I had a doozy of a migraine too. My dear friend Marla reccomended a Benadryl and Ibuprophen combo that I am willing to try tonight  - either that or a sledge hammer to the back of the head would work.

I went clothes shopping with my dear sweet funny friend Marla (one of the Mountain Top Moms).  Her daughter Cheyenne and Middle Little go to Head Start together - so when they are at school we sometimes hang out or get breakfast or whatever...but yesterday we went clothes shopping. Succesfully, I might add.

She took me to Fash-Shun_Buggg where I NEVER find anything . OK. I never find anything anywhere for me - but can be a personal shopper for anyone else....When shopping for me, I usually buy books, jewelry, lotion, fabric, chocolate, towels, etc...all those things that FIT no matter what and are not suceptible to the vagaries of my weight and surly disposition towards clothes shopping - which have both increased exponentially in the past three years and thirty pounds since I stopped taking Wellbutr*n.

So I found several zip hoodies, a few tops, a few necklaces/earring to dress it all up/pull it all together and a nice dressy top to wear out to dinner with the folks from the Sheriff's Department on Monday (Yeah, in addition to everything else she does - The Other Mother is a Deputy Sheriff and also serves on a Community Accountability Board working with felons returning to the community...She's into Social Justice and all that stuff....I'm into dinner out with grownups and all that stuff...we are perfect match!)

Anyhow - busy day tomorrow and after (yet another) psychiatrist  appointment we are heading off to see our Oldest son this weekend - he is turning 21!!!