Taxmaker, Refunds and 8839

Clearly I have wayyyyyyyy to much time on my hands to be writin' showtunes about Tax Preparation and the Adoption Credit.  What next? A country ballad about root canal??? But really - if you have adopted a child in the past couple of  years you may be able to claim a rather hefty tax refund: we are talkin' an amount of money that is worth lookin' into. A refund of up to 13 thousand dollars (actual money back - not just a credit) Really. Form 8839 with the IRS. Seriously. Check it out.

Taxmaker, Taxmaker (To the tune of Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof)


Taxmaker, Taxmaker
It's that time to file
My Income and tax
I'm financially in fear
I cannot relax

Just file my forms
I'll hand you my stubs
You'll re-calculate
Till your erasers are nubs

Taxmaker, Taxmaker
Deduct all those kids
And uniform scrubs
Who's head of household
Me or the hubs?

Taxmaker, please file my tax

Taxmaker, Taxmaker
Don't make any flubs
Not one mistake
Don't forget rental income
On the house at the Lake

Taxmaker, Taxmaker
Claim all bank interest!
Is this schedule C?
Those stocks were a loss.
How much is owed me?

Taxmaker, Taxmaker
You're sure you can do that?
I'll buy peace of mind!
For 13K back
On form 8839!

Taxmaker, please file my tax

By MamaDrama Times Two

The Fruits Of Her Labors

Marla, one of the Amazing Moms from the Mountain Top Foster-Adoption Group just purchased thirteen books to add to the collection of the Mountain Town Library that lends us meeting space in their beautiful community room/art gallery.  The money for the books was raised by selling raffle tickets at our annual Foster Parent Holiday Dinner held in December at a local restaurant.

Our Foster Adoption Group is blessed in many ways.

• We have a faciliator organized, supportive, creative and kind with a wicked laugh
• We have a place to meet monthly to learn new skills and to share our joys and challenges
• We have resources readily available to support our foster placment or adoption
• Most important: we have each other. I just love my MountainTop Moms

The Books:

Out of Many One Family: How Two Adults Claimed Twelve Children Through Adoption by Bart & Claudia Fletcher

Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray

You're Not My Real Mother! by Molly Friedrich and Christy Hale

Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison

One Small Boat by Kathy Harrison

Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children by Daniel Hughes

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza

Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow by Gregory Keck

Finding the Right Spot: When Kids Can't Live with Their Parents by Janice Levy

I Love You like Crazy Cakes by Rose Lewis

I Wished for You: an Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond

Happy Adoption Day! by Trevor Royle

The Star: A Story to Help Young Children in Foster Care by Jennifer Wilgocki

  

Can you think of any books we should add to the collection with our next raffle??????

Red Wine and Potato Chips For Breakfast

Red Wine and Potato Chips For Breakfast. No. Not really. Yet. But I am PMS and thinking about it. ARGHHHHH. My kids are making me crazy. Really. Really. Crazy. I get that I am a little bit sensitive and on edge until the hormonal roller coaster settles down...But holy mother of God, my kids are a piece of work. Kids. Plural. 

Lets start with James. This morning James had about 10 feet of driveway to shovel of our half a football field long driveway. Really. Just 10 feet. He could not do it. Could not finish. Could not even shovel in a methodical back and forth or up and down motion. He went in circles. It was chaos.  Left the shovel in the middle of the driveway and just walked a way to "use the bathroom" (which is an euphemisim for avoiding anyhting resembling work).  He then came outside a few minutes later with all his school things and walked down the driveway past the shovel. Uhmmmm, No.

Last Friday it took The Other Mother, Bobby and I a total of four hours to shovel the driveway...while James just sat inside the kitchen in a chair staring out the window. His lawyer and a court investigator were due at the house at 3:00 and at 12:30 in the afternoon we were STILL shoveling. Shoveling for HIM. Clearly the self-sacrificing do-for-others gene of Motherhood has skipped my generation. I don't expect gratitude for what we do for the kids, but I do expect participation. Even half-assed unenthusiastic participation - but participation.

I asked him today why he didn't help shovel on Friday (Friday was his third time not shoveling) expecting him to say some plausible teenage lie like "I had a stomach ache" or "I was worried about my mom or my attorney coming and couldn't concentrate..."  So this morning in the driveway I pressed him  for an answer - after three replies of "I dunno" I told him to come up with a real answer.

And he did.

"I didn't feel like doing it"

Ummmmm. OK. Thankfully my entire face was semi-frozen from shoveling otherwise my jaw would have dropped.  Seriously.

So now I am holding all these icky feelings of wanting to have my own little tantrum and not do a few things because I don't feel like it and maybe have a consequence or two or three like no Wii......ARGH. Not a pretty way to start the day.

Sometimes I Am So Negative

Sometimes I Am So Negative...and sometimes I have nothing to do with all the negativity. Yeah. Like tonight.  It is -2  at 6pm and this evening's temps with windchill will be -25 to -35 for at least several hours.  Brrrrrrrrrrrr.

Tomorrow begins a 4 day week of school with Friday a "Professional Day" for teacher training.  Hopefully, the winter weather will cooperate. Although  rumor has it a snowstorm is headed our way mid week.
Enough. Really. EEE-NUFF ALREADY WITH THE SNOW!!!!!

Orlando is looking good.

Snowfall on Cedars In My Driveway

Another snow day here. For a change. Because we haven't had enough days off from school in the past 2 weeks: 1 holiday, 1 professional teacher training day, 3 snow days and a 2 hour ice delay....at this rate we'll be going to school into July. Although I think teacher contracts are such that they must be done by June 30 as July 1 starts a whole new year. Whatever.


I'm all for togetherness. I think that is one of the characteristics which helps us be good foster parents to our kids - we like to be together doing things. But for the love of all that is holy - there has got to be a limit on this togetherness if I am going to preserve what is left of my sanity.

Two cats. Three dogs. Two semi-teens and one very calm and patient Mom (The Other Mother) and one anxious and semi-irritable Mom (umm, that would be ME- Mama Drama) snowbound for yet another day.

I know it should bring me some small measure of comfort to know that winter is more than half over. At least according to my friend's husband. January 15 is the magic day for him. Where does he get this number you ask. Apparently HEATING SEASON is six months long and he only lets the furnace on from Oct 15 - April 15. Please keep in mind that some New Englanders refer to their furnace as a bottomless money pit which is why one might measure time in terms of fuel dollars. My delivery this week of oil was $509 for 157 gallons. I had a similar delivery last month, and expect the same next month. OUCH.

Corey - bless her soul. Knows that the way to a girls heart is through her stomach and a good blog. She sent me a link to http://twopeasandtheirpod.com/ YUMMMMMMMM. As I told her, this is the perfect site for me to pour over for a good soup recipe (my current obsession) as soon as we are done shoveling our crazy steep, long driveway of 8 more inches of the white stuff as we have YET ANOTHER $%&(^#)^&^#@@$%&() SNOWDAY and the plow-guy hasn't come and I have to get Bobby to the Orthodontist to have his braces put on in about an hour and....and...and..

Thanks for stopping by to read on this snowy cussed (cuss-id) New England Day, but I gotta go help shovel.

Potato Soup And An Icy Winter Day

Miserable icy day here. Snow day yesterday - no school.  Ice day today -two hour delay for school.  When will they ever find time to learn? Argh.

The Other Mother bravely and foolishly set out for work this morning after the boys left for the bus stop. She slid down the driveway - wheels locked and not turning the ENTIRE  way down the drive. Holy Mother of God scary.  She then went to the town landfill ("The Dump" to us locals) to fill several empty 5 gallon buckets with salted-sand....When she returned, she carried the first bucket up the hill and began chopping inch thick ice at the top.  A few minutes later I looked out the front window and noticed the van had slid across our downhill parking lot at the base of the driveway and was heading for the street.  She repositioned the van in the second, slightly flatter parking lot on the other side of the driveway and continued chopping and shoveling ice for several hours. She wound up taking  the entire day from work to chop the driveway clear of ice.  She said she had to. If we had ANY hope of driving up or down the driveway until April, that is. 

Florida is looking good right about now.

You probably know by now that Deb at Smitten Kitchen speaks my love language: FOOD. Not just "fill-your-rumbling-empty-belly" kinda food; but "oh-my-ever-lovin'-god-this-is-so-good" food that leaves you craving more and daydreaming about her recipes. Really. Looking at her blog you'll see that she could cook up some cardboard and packing tape and it would look simply amazing and your taste buds would be screaming to try it. Really. Her food is just that good.

Smitten Kitchen might not change your life but at the very least it will surely change the way you look at food. I felt that way when I saw her recipe today for baked potato soup. Maybe it was the icy weather, maybe it was her delicious looking photos. Whatever. I HAD to make her soup NOW.

My own "lighter" variation of Potato Soup: Lighter is just a fancy way of saying I didn't have onions, leeks, sour cream or cream. Certainly, if you have cream or sour cream you can remove a cup or two of soup, add the cream or sour cream and run this through a blender til smooth then stir it back into the soup to make a creamy and thicker potato soup....but sadly, this is all I had on hand and I NEEDED (at a molecular level) to make her soup immediately.

ICE STORM POTATO SOUP
6 medium potatoes, peeled, diced
1 can chicken broth
3 cans water
1 can of milk (reserve until the end of the recipe)
salt and pepper
pinch of crushed thyme
4 bay leaves
2 fist fulls of baby spinach, rinsed
I whole head of garlic top sliced off 
few cloves of garlic roughly chopped
Simmer until the potatoes soften and the windows steam
Remove head of garlic and bay leaves
Add one can of milk. Stir.
Turn off stove.
Stir in Baby spinach leaves until wilted and bright green
Take 2 or 3 cups soup, puree in the blender til smooth and pour back into soup. Stir.
Serve with a crusty peasant bread, sliced fruit and cheese and a nice red wine.
MMMMMMmmmmmmm.

PS. The Other Mother thought it was a bit peppery - and I thought it was a little too salty...but I think we were both confused as it was probably a little too garlicky.  Next time I would omit the extra garlic (roughly chopped cloves in the broth) and would just simmer the whole head....and add some cream. Yeah. Definitely some cream.

Another Snow Day

Another SNOW DAY- or a NO DAY as I am now calling them...as in NO School. NO Driving. NO Parking.  NO Nothing.

The boys have been amazing: relaxing, doing their laundry, helping with shoveling, sledding, playing Wii, playing with the neighbor kids, going over a friend's house, going to a sleep-over birthday party, watching movies, snacking. 

Bobby lost his green ipod sometime after coming home from the sleepover and discovered it 9 hours later at bedtime.  We said it was too late to toss the entire house and too dark to go outside looking and that we'd look tomorrow in the daylight. He was rightly concerned that if he dropped it between the neighbor's house and ours, by morning it would be covered by several inches of snow. True. A brief upset, some negative self talk and a few tears and off he went to bed.  Three minutes. Really. Holy Mother of Wow!   In the past this would have been a two hour ordeal of uncontrolled raging and all the ugly self talk from all the abuse ever would boil over and cloud his every breath with PTSD and memories and an ugly mood that permeates the house like the scent of skunk perfume.  Not anymore!!!!!!!!

Wow. Just Wow. I am not even waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

I am counting this as my new normal. My everyday expectation of a normal family life seems a possibility today. 

This picture was taken over the weekend and is an accurate representation of the past three days at our house. In between shoveling and naps and garlic roasted chicken and naps and tea and books and chicken soup and magazines and red wine and chocolate and naps and...well, you get the basic idea.

I may have changed my socks and pants and the magazines and books have been added to and restacked twice and are now askew.  There are crumbs and half filled mugs of tea. The fireplace is now decorated with damp gloves and hats and snow-pants hung from the nails left on the mantle from our Christmas stockings.  The damp logs from the ice storm sizzle and loudly pop and crackle and startle the new dog, Dexter, worried and awake from his naps. But other than that - the scene is the same.

Bliss.

****sigh****

Latest Read

I am plugging along in my A 2 Z Book Challenge. I'm reading my way through the alphabet: an author for each letter of the alphabet for 2011. Last year I did the challenge by title. Next year I may do both author and title: an amibitious 52 books. We'll see.

Anyhow, I consumed The Night Bookmobile by Audrey Niffennegger in less than an hour before dinner last night. I was attracted by the cover and the theme. The character's bookmobile is filled with everything she has ever read...blissful, creepy and interesting all at the same time.

As a young girl growing up in THE GREATER NEW YORK/METROPOLITAN AREA (translated means across the river in 'Jersey....)  I loved the bookmobile that came through our town and parked  behind School Number 5 (yeah- the schools were numbered back then: no worthy local or national heros to name them for, I guess...).  Back then, I loved the bookmobile and the library and everything about books - and still do.

I should mention that The Night Bookmobile is a graphic novel. I'm not really sure how I feel about graphic novels other than I really don't care for them unless it is one of the many cool Adventures of Tin Tin....but I digress... In this case, the illustrations fit the rough-edgy quality of the book and made the reading experience richer.

PS This is NOT a children's book, although that was my first impression when I saw it on top of the stacks at my favorite library. 

Happy Reading.

My Three Favorite Christmas Presents

I am finally getting around to posting photos of my three favorite Christmas presents: each just the perfect size: small, medium and large.

Hope your holidays were perfect!

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week: Depression

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week: Depression

This was written way in back in September in response to a post by Social Worker 24/7 and Corey.  I held onto it in Draft form and instead published one I had written about my migraines....I was and still am embarassed by my depression and wasn't sure I wanted to expose that part of me to the world.  Today several brave, amazing women are talking about their experiences with depression. Clearly,  it's time for me to dust off this post and hit publish.

September 13-19 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week.  I have already written about my experience with migraines  Today I think I've gotten up the nerve to talk about my depression.

I'm choosing to participate today because: Depression sucks.

The illness I want to talk about is: Depression

I was diagnosed with it in: For my 40th birthday I thought I'd try and quit smoking for the 100th time but this time by taking Bupropion (Wellbutrin/Zyban).  My insurance wouldn't pay for it if I took it to stop smoking (Zyban) but they would pay for the same medicine if I took it for depression (Wellbutrin).  So I did. For a few months.  Then I started smoking again and stopped the Wellbutrin.  The Other Mother noticed a BIG difference.  I noticed a difference (probably didn't notice as much of a difference as she did because I was too depressed!!!)  So I went back to the Dr. and told her what was up and she asked if it was serious depression, did I need to see someone....I said I didn't think it was serious, but definitly noticed a big difference in how I felt.  Then I went off it and then I needed it again. I remember at one appointment saying to the doctor "I get why I'm depressed; my parents are dead and I'm an only child. I've sold my house and I've moved into theirs and I am surrounded by all their stuff to deal with..." Intellectually understanding the "why" of this round of depression was helpful. I remained in the care of my family physician and she renewed my scrip for the next few years.

I did  eventually quit smoking - and haven't smoked since Sept of 2002!

But I've struggled with it since: my teens

Most people assume: That depression is something you can choose.  As if you can just use sheer will power to "snap out of it!" Wouldn't that be nice.

The medications I take: I no longer take medication - but took Wellbutrin off and on for a five year period beginning in 2001.  The nice thing about Wellbutrin is it does not mess with your s*x life like some antidepressants do. Life without org*sms..Now THAT would be realllllyyyyyyy depressing!

Regarding other and/or alternative treatments:  Back then, I should have done ( and still should do) the whole exercise, healthy diet thing.  I know the more active I am, the better I feel.

If I had to choose between an invisible or visible illness: Visible. It makes it easier for others to get it so I don't have to explain it.

People would be surprised to know: I am depressed.  People think of me as cheerful/funny/outgoing.  Which I am - but I'm often being cheerful, funny and outgoing while struggling against feelings of depression (dulled emotions, lowwwww energy, feeling like you are wading thigh high through water while others are strolling on a smooth sidewalk...yeah, blechhhhh...depressed.)  Some days are rough and I wonder if I should go back on meds - but I've switched Health Insurance plans and the new doc is not gonna make things easy.

When someone is diagnosed, I want to tell them: Good for you! When you find the right treatment (meds/therapy/exercise...whatever) you will be amazed at how good you can feel. It will be like putting on eyeglasses and  seeing your world in a whole new way.

When I'm not feeling well, people can help me by: Just understanding I'm having a different life experience from them right now and I feel bad about it.  It is what it is.

I want to be involved with National Invisible Illness Awareness Week because: Depression sucks and the more people know about it, the more folks will get over their shame and deal with their depression and support others who are affected by depression. 

I am thinking about  that poor dog on the Cymb*lta "Who Does Depression Hurt?" commercial whose owner is sooooo depressed, he doesn't want to take the dog for a walk...I don't want to take my dogs for a walk either - but it really is because I'm a lazy sack of potatoes and not just because I have depression.

*This was shortened/adapted from one used by SocialWrkr 24/7 and was also 'jacked with notice from Corey's blog.

Pink Elephants and Randomness

The youngest of Bobby's three older sisters slept over last weekend.  It was very nice and she and Bobby had a good time and really interacted appropriately. They played games, she called her boyfriend, they watched movies, played Wii, loaded Music from iTunes with The Other Mother in charge of the computer, had snacks, got bored....all the things sibling should be doing. He didn't try to counsel her or bash his other sisters too much. She was coherent in thought and conversation and present with everyone.

The Other Mother and I briefly fanatasized about why don't we just adopt her, too???? But she is happy and settled in her foster home and lives in a tiny litte New England hamlet with a great regional public school where she fits in with all the other kids like her that don't fit in. She is clear she wants to move out of foster care and move on when she turns 18 in two and a half short years. Yikes. Not a good idea at all. We are having her back in a few weeks for another sleepover.

The next day Bobby had some "Big Feelings" surface while at a regular montly gathering of siblings who have been living apart because of foster care or adoption.  He got physical with his Social Worker and pushed her twice and I had to go get him early and bring him home. Actually it was a good thing because it gave us the opportunity to talk about how PTSD is an explosive and unpredicatable monster and how the triggers can be anywhere.

We talked about how he needs to get a handle on the things he has been trying to forget and bury and avoid dealing with. We complimented the visible strides his sister is making because of growth through her work with her therapist.  We reminded him that his method wasn't working out so well for him: Don't think about PINK ELEPHANTS..whatever you do, do not talk about PINK ELEPHANTS and don't imagine what they look like either...Nope, NOT gonna think about PINK ELEPHANTS. I'm not gonna....

He tries to micromanage therapy and divert attention from any issues of substance (most of the time with great success!). The Other Mother had some insightful commentary on his recent focus in therapy to Google Map all the places he has lived - which is a useful tool in therapy - we get that. The therapist commented Bobby wasn't sure if he lived at 17 "Pleasant" Street or 117 or 71 and was very focused on finding out. There's a good use of 50 minutes. The Other Mother suggested directly to Bobby that he start working on what happened in the houses rather than the house numbers and make better use of his therapy time.

We'll see.  He asked us to go in for therapy with him this afternoon. He said it is easier to talk to us than to his therapist. I think there is so much shame attached to his past stuff that he can't really honestly talk to his therapist (remember - she is an adult, and adults cannot be trusted...)

In our house I beleive he truly gets that we love him "warts and all" and he does trust us as much as he is able.  Of course, he trusts us more as peers than as parents.  He still can't call us Mom. He calls us by our first names - which hurts a little but mostly makes sense given what "Mom" means to him based on his past experiences. I'm not sure I even want him to call us Mom anymore...But that is another post

The fact is I think he can talk about his past trauma with us - I only wish we were skilled enough to help him work through this complex issue.  I think now the best we can do is go to therapy with him and support his work with his clinician....

Snow Day

We've been slammed here in New England: Snow, snow, snow. At least a foot on the ground since last night and  another half foot predicted to fall today. The boys are inside from shovelling the parking spaces at the bottom of the long, steep driveway.

The Other Mother is being the best Mom ever! Oh, I mean "Evah!! Said, of course, in my best Southie accent - South Boston to those in the know. I could listen to Boston accents alll dayyy longggggg. I'm sure all y'all Non-New Englanders might wonder what that sounds like???? A little like Roger Cook on This Old House. *sigh*

Anyhow - where was I ??? ...Oh yeah...The Other Mother is being the best Mom/Wife evah... She is making us the perfect Snow-Day lunch: grilled cheddar cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.  She even peeled our clementines. Oh, how I love her..

I do love to "crock pot-it". Especially on a snow day like today.  Dinner for tonight is Pilgrim Chicken: Deb at Smitten Kitchen has nothing to fear.

Pilgrim Chicken
Boneless chicken tenders
Can of whole cranberry sauce
Small can of diced peaches (optional)
A dollop of brown mustard for zing
Half bag of frozen peppers (red-yellow-green)
Garlic salt (cuz I can't find any fresh garlic in the house...)
Pepper
Throw it all in the crock pot
Stir
Cook on high for a few hours/all afternoon
Serve with a slotted spoon over rice.
A veggie on the side
Yummmmmmmmmm

A to Z Challenge 2011

Last year I  was inspired by Carol at Giraffe Dreams  and tried to complete the A to Z Challenge : Attempting to read a book for each letter of the Alphabet.  My heart was in the right place and I read many, many good books -I even doubled up on several letters - yet there were just some letters left unfulfilled on December 31.

A to Z Challenge 2010
A Clue for the Puzzle Lady - Parnell Hall;
A Continual Feast - Jan Caron
Beyond Consequences Logic and Control - Heather Forbes
Blind Descent - James Tabor
Book of the Dead - Patricia Cornwell
Boston Noir, Edited by Dennis Lehane
Blockade Billy - Stephen King
Don't Think About Monkeys, (Tourettes) - A. Seligman and J. Hilkevich;
Dexter is Delicious - Jeff Lindsay
Easy Prey - John Sanford;
Good Husband of Zebra Drive (No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Series) Alexander Mc Call Smith;
Grave Secret - Charlaine Harris
Just in Case Handbook - Kathy Harrison;
Made for Goodness - Desmond Tutu
Miracle at Speedy Motors (No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Series) Alexander McCall Smith
Monday Mourning Kathy Reichs
Never Tell A Lie - (suspense) Hallie Ephron;
Out of Many One Family - Bart and Claudia Fletcher;
Parenting Other People's Children - John Stoller
Puzzled to Death - Parnell Hall
Portuguese Irregular Verbs - Alexander Mc Call Smith;
Raising Children Who Refuse to be Raised - Dave Ziegler:
Shoot To Thrill - PJ Tracy;
Tea Time For The Traditionally Built (No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Series)- Alexander Mc Call Smith
The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs Alexander Mc Call Smith
Three Bedrooms One Corpse - Charlaine Harris:
Unwelcome Companion (Tourettes)- Rick Fowler;
Voluntary Madness - Norah Vincent
With This Puzzle (Puzzle Lady Series ) Parnell HallThe
Weed that Strings the Hangman's Bag - Alan Bradley
You Have The Right To Remain Puzzled -Puzzle Lady Series- Parnell Hall
206 Bones – Kathy Reichs.

Well, it is a new year I am trying the challenge again - but will be reading A-Z books based on authors last names.  There are a variety of ways to meet the challenge: by author as I am doing, by title, by country, etc: You should really visit the A to Z website here and join in.

So far I am off to a good start as I spent most of school vacation week with my nose in a book and my bottom on a couch when I wasn't taking a nap or eating something delicious.....

John Sanford:  Bad Blood  (4th book in the Virgil Flowers series)

Alan Bradley:  The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

Kristin Kimball : The Dirty Life - on Farming, Food and Love

I am heading to bed now with a cup of tea to finish Charlaine Harris: Definitely Dead (the 6th in the Sookie Stackhouse Series).

What are you reading?  Any recommendations for my reading list?