Happy Birthday To Me

Today I celebrate my Birthday. I have crept ever closer to the half century mark and am so grateful to be here. So far today I have slept late (sharing my bed with one dog and two cats), sipped delicious coffee in bed brought by The Other Mother, read some of my favorite blogs, and will soon head to the library and lose myself in the stacks for an hour or so. I'm looking forward to lunch later today at my favorite restaurant with two amazing women from my Mountain Top Moms Group (a group of Foster/Adoptive/Special Needs MOMS WHO GET IT). My afternoon will be capped off with a stop at Sal's Boutique (because it is, after all, Half Price Wednesday at my favorite kids/baby clothing boutique: Salvation Army). On the way home I'll probably stop at the bank for dinner money (we have a sitter and I'm going out to dinner with the Other Mother). Oh - and the boys are on a field trip to a Water Park with the large community youth organization The Other Mother runs. Hopefully, they'll be too tired to aggravate the babysitter tonite. Fed*Ex just left the driveway delvering the best birthday present so far....a large green footlocker-trunk which will hold ONE MONTH'S worth of Bobby's clothes for Summer Camp in New Hampshire.

A day of my favorite things. Bliss.

Today is a far cry from how I spent my last birthday...Thank goodness.

I'm A World Class Snoop - And Not Very Proud Of It

I admit it. I'm a snoop. I read a facebook post that led me to another facebook post that lead me to a post by my son's Bio Mom. And I looked. At her wedding dress. Wedding dress???? Way tooooo much information.

Ewwwwwwww. It was like coming upon a car accident - you know it's awful, but you can't help but look. I feel smarmy and slimy and not very proud of my behavior.

And tomorrow or next week, I might just check on her again.

So, Which Way Do You Want It?

My son has stopped speaking to me. Not the adult son. The 11 year old. The one that pretty much relies on me for just about everything and monoploizes all attention has stopped talking to me whenever possible. When he does speak to me it is purely on an information and fact gathering mission.


Here are some examples from the five or six times he has directly spoken to me since yesterday:

What's for lunch?
What's for dinner?
So, is Alex buying that house?
What time are we leaving for Vermont?

I've been going back-n-forth with being totally annoyed with him ignoring my presence(and pouting like an 11 year old myself...) and totally grooving on the fact I am invisible and have caught a break from his incessant need to have 1:1 attention(and, again, gloating like an 11 year old myself...). Geesh.

God love her, The Other Mother is a realist.

When I complained and gloated all in one sentence she sighed and very patiently remined me that I needed to decide: "Which way do you want it? You can't have it both ways."

I can't? Why not?? Who says???

Being the big girl that I am, I pouted a little and ignored her.

Wordless Wednesday: HOUSE HUNTING

Too Kool For Summer Skool ?

James told me before his last visit "I hate to break it to you, but I think I want to stay here a long time." Uhhh. Quick, quick...What do I say????? "Great! We'd like you stay a long time, too. But - you need to tell your Social Worker and therapist and the people that make decisions how you feel. You need to be honest with them because they help decide what things are going to look like." He told his Social Worker he'd like to stay here and live with us - but maybe his Mom could live next door and he could visit her. Geesh.

James had a visit yesterday afternoon with his Bio-Mom and a visit two weeks ago with his Bio Mom and and dog. It's awkward to say here, but before the visit he talked constantly about seeing his dog at the visit or about getting to toss the football with his Social Worker at the visit. Not so much about Mom. Hmmmm. I think he is releived of the burden of having to truly worry about her and parent her daily..now he can worry about her and miss her in more of am abstract way...I dunno.

Talked to James two weeks ago about the summer school letter I got from his guidance counselor in early June. I told him I'd rather do our own litle Summer School/Home School thing rather than sending him to summer school at the Junior High. He was excited and we talked about how that might look (reading the same book at the lake then asking each other questions... doing some math worksheets...going to the library and researching cool questions like he had just asked (does the moon move or does it stay right there all the time?)

I am certain we can accomplish more in a half an hour than he can do at the school in 3 hours with all the distractions of his peers. Plus if we are not tied to summer school, we can expose James to some "cultural opportunities" (translated: travel and go on vacation as a family)and more "positive influences" (in other words, avoid the teen punks he follows in school and gets in trouble with). We already talked to the Social Worker about this (and the Guidance Counselor, School Adjustment Counselor, Special Ed teacher and Math teacher). We were given the "go-ahead" and a nice workbook from the Math techer at his IEP last week. James hasn't "seen" it yet although it sits on the kitchen counter in plain view....


Let me say I am in AWE of homeschooling Moms and am in no way pretending I can do homeschooling...I am confident, however, that I can do the remedial worksheets on the Dept of Ed website. I have a Bachelor's degree in Elementary Ed and a Master's degree in Ed. I've spent 10 years working Special Ed in Elementary and High School. Junior High School Math worksheets can't be that hard to do...

The question is ....can I do them WITH James????

I'll keep you posted.

I Love Kale. Really

I love KALE. Really.

Slice a bunch of well rinsed, still wet Kale into thin ribbons
Stalks are OK and add crunch
Place in a lidded frying pan with just a dash of water since kale is already wet
Steam in for a few minutes until bright green and barely wilted.
Dump into a bowl of icy cold water to capture the color and stop the cooking
Drain in a colander
Squeeze out excess water with your hands
Dump in a big bowl
Add
1/4 cup lemon juice (or "Real Lemon")
1/4 cup lite soy sauce
Several shakes of sesame seeds
Toss
Let sit for a few minutes
Serve warm or refrigerated
Eat
Enjoy

Running on Empty With A Full Heart.

Another busy week here on the Hill.

Cal, (our former foster son) his Bio Mom, and Nana came to dinner last night. We celebrated his 13th birthday and had a great time laughing together, again.

I saw Baby Dee and her Bio-Mom on Tuesday when my travels brought me to The Other Side Of The State. Dee's Mom said "Look, your other Mommy is here." She is still just 12 pounds at 11 months but is making progress with rolling over and sitting up. Not crawling yet - but, oh, what a pincer grasp!

I had an IEP (Special Ed planning meeting) for James yesterday. We'll be tutoring him this summer instead of sending him to summer school. It is the best plan for him - less distractions, less peer influence and posturing opportunities. His wonderful/amazing social worker came to the meeting and will be hanging with him again today when they go out for a haircut afterschool and spend the afternoon doing some male bonding together.

This morning, Bobby graduated 5th grade - complete with breakfast, engraved dictionaries, choral performance and slide show. My freckle faced little boy is getting big!

This afternoon I have an appointment with my oldest son to look at a house. With a little help, he can buy a 3 bedroom house and pay about $200 less per month than if he rented a 2 bedroom apartment.

I have two empty beds and an empty crib and cradle. I am waiting for the Division of Family Services to call with a placement or two (or three).

Although we have been together for almost 20 years, Monday I celebrate my two year wedding anniversary to the woman that I love, love, love.

I may have empty beds, but my heart is full and happy.

Out of the Closets

The best thing about being a l*sbian is ...um, I mean, the second best thing about being a l*sbian is you double your wardrobe. That is also the drawback: instead of three pairs jeans that don't fit - we have eight. Yeah, eight.

That is why I was able to bring 16 bags of clothes to Goodwill last week when I finally put away the winter clothes and brought out the summer/spring things. Don't laugh. We live in New England, where wearing fleece is a year round thing. Sixteen bags: but don't get too excited - the bags were W*lmart size. So today I continue to purge our closets and dressers of the summery/spring things we don't wear and the things that are not going to fit. Even if someday they do fit, they'll be out of style by then. Hey - if I can manage to lose 30 pounds and can fit in my skinny jeans - then I think I can go out and buy myself a new pair to celebrate. In the meantime - I am purging ruthlessly.

We have 2 bags of boys skateboard style clothes: However, we have yet to have a boy that likes skateboard style clothes. Eleven adolescent boys and one infant boy have come through this house - and not a single one is a skateboard kinda guy....So two bags of T*ny H*wke clothes are heading for "Sal's Boutique" (S*lvation Army). Just you watch: Monday the phone will ring and it will be the Division of Family Services calling to place a twelve year old skatboardin' dude....
Maybe I should just keep the bag of clothes in the garage for a week or so....

We have been wildly cleaning the house - bought a wooden floor power scrubber thingy and The Other Mother has been scrubbing our floors clean. Who knew dogs and boys could make our floors soooo dirty? I've been clearing off the counters of too much junk and papers in need of filing or dealing with. It's been very freeing purging extra crap from the linen closet and kitchen cabinets and setting stuff aside for Buckshot's future house. I filled the van and will be driving to Vermont to see him this week.

The house looks good - but we are EXHAUSTED and looking at the clock waiting til it is the boys' bedtime so we can go to sleep!

He's Really Going Home

Sung to the tune of I'm Going Home, by Daughtry.

He's going home
To the place where he belongs
Where his Teen Mom can stay up all night
Instead of me

I'm making bottles in the night,
Trying to find the blue pacifiying thing.
I'm going to the place where onesies
Diapers and formula don't ever cost a thing.
And diaper rash is just an imaginary thing.

Well he's going home,
Back to the place where he belongs,
And where his Teen Mom can stay up all night
Instead of me.

I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret the Foster Mama life I chose for me.
But these wet diapers and bottles are getting cold,
So he's going home.
Well he's going home.

My diapers are getting bigger, it seems,
The longer I stay with you.
I've not always been the quietest baby for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

But I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not napping now.
No, I think your singing the wrong song.
The Itsy Bitsy Sprider's the one for me.

I don't like the wet wipes you chose for me.
And my bottles are getting cold,
So I'm going home.
Yeah, I'm going home.

Be careful how you burp me,
'Cause I just might spit it up.
I just might spit it up,
What you don't want to wear.

Be careful how you burp me,
'Cause I just might spit it up.
I just might spit it up,
What you don't want to wear. Yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where my teen Mom is patiently waiting for me.
I'm not napping now.
No, I think you woke me up.
I don't regret the foster home you chose for me.
But wet diapers and these bottles are getting cold.
I said wet diapers and these bottles are getting cold
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Social Worker should be here in an hour or so. He's napping and smells like baby shampoo. He smells better than puppies....

God, I'm gonna miss that little bugger.

Changing Our Change Of Plans For A Change

Looks like Baby Boy reunifies Friday morning after all. The last week of school is all half days and Teen Bio Mom will be home by 11:30 each day.

Anyone who hasn't previously worked with the Division of Family Services now has a better understanding of the inherent crazy Yes-No-Yes-No-Maybe-No-I'll Get Back To You- Maybe-Yes-NO style of decision making utilized by large government bureaucracies. Poor things, they don't even realize that they are doing it - it is so enculturated (is that even a word???)

To be a successful foster parent, one must be at peace with chaos and comfortable with constant indecision, recinded decisons, capricious decisons and the ever popular, seemingly random decisons.

Remember boys and girls, any decision worth making is worth changing at least five times in a 24 hour period with no regard to logic or practicality.

WHIMSY RULES !

Pass it on.

What's Another Week

Social worker called today and said she just realized that Baby Boy's Teen Mom has another week of school before summer vacation begins - and would we be willing to take the baby for another week?

Awwww Heck yeah!!!! He is sooo stinkin cute these days. Why not? So much for cleaning my house and redoing the entry way before the boys are home for summer vacation.

Ultimately, our keeping Baby Boy helps empower Teen Mom.

The Teen Mom's Therapeutic Foster Mom could watch the baby for the last week of school - but I think that sets up a weird dynamic and diminishes Teen Mom's autonomy and authority...I think teen Mom needs to be the Mom in charge of Baby Boy.

Social Worker said they could "try" to find day care - but would rather not bounce the baby. Like where can you find day care in a week's notice?

Anyhow - we are all about doing ANYTHING to empower Teen Mom and help her be successful in parenting this little boy. he arived at 11 days old and 7 pounds. He weighed 13 pounds 2 ounces and will be 3 months next week...

All this time fostering teens...who knew we'd love growing little babies so much?????

Friday Fragments

Went to The Ocean over Memorial Day weekend and were able to squeeze in a visit with baby Dee and her Mom and Brother and cousin. She has grown so much: holding her bottle, a well defined pincer grasp to pick sea shells from the sand, alert, focused- but still still teeny-tiny at just 12 pounds at 10 1/2 months old. The 11 week old baby boy we have weighs 13 pounds and is so much larger.

Speaking of which: Looks like BB (Baby Boy) will have two overnights next week and reunify next Friday with Teen Bio-Mom! Yeah!!!! He is alert, tolerant of touch and eye contact and is sooo much calmer. He has come a long way! Social Worker asked us if we'd take him back as an adoptive placement if Mom couldn't handle it. We said "Yes. He's pretty stinkin' cute - Just give us a call...". What am I thinking???

Bobby continues to be emotionally disregulated/fragile/falling apart/a "hot mess" as they say. Every day: tears, confusion, rages...Stressful, sad and exhausting for us all. His medication increase has helped dull the rage and slow his roll, but I still feel he is completely overwhelmed by his PTSD. Of concern lately is his genetic/familial predispositon to mental health issues and that we cannot "un-do" his first five years of life - his learned coping patterns are pretty consistent and NOT always effective or socially acceptable. ARGH. His therapist was sick this week so The Other Mother and I didn't have our biweekly pep session and Bobby missed his regular weekly "Avoid, Deflect and Dodge" session. Do I think that missing therapy contributed to his weeklong spiral? Nope. Not even a little. In fact, it probably took one more thing off his plate that he needed to worry about managing.

I'm feeling like I need an extra set of eyes/ears  and I know some families use monitors (like baby monitors to hear the kids squabbling in the other room - or video to make sure the baby is still in the crib, etc) but don't know the legal implications and rules for Privacy, age, etc, etc. so I haven't done anything yet. Are the rules different for adopted/foster kids? Does it matter what state you live in??? Anyone have info on this?

James has been great - doing well at school, taking pride in his assignments, settling in to our family routines, talking about conflicts, seeking out our company and approval. Asking when The Other Mother will be home from work. Over and over...
Took him to visit his Grandma in a local Nursing Home. Great visit. We need to make this part of our routine. His therapist made a home visit on Tuesday and we have an appointment with a psychiatrist at the end of the month where we will advocate that he have a med holiday (go off his C*ncerta for school ADD and Cl*onidine for sleep for the summer and hopefully, the psychiatrist will consider medication for his depression. He is a lovely young man that I hope will continue to make good choices and blossom.

Speaking of lovely young man. Our oldest, Alex, 20, is doing well at work and making a fine life for himself and we are happy he is fitting into his own skin. We are thinking of helping him with a down-payment and co-signing to buy a house in Northern Vermont - where a decent 3 bedroom 2 bath can be had for about 80,000. The Other Mother and I strongly feel that the little money we had set aside for college is better spent on helping him start his adult life. School is not for him right now..and paying a mortgage would be cheaper than renting in Northern Vermont. It would also keep him focused on making good choices and taking personal responsibility for his finances and future. If he were to change his mind in a few years, we'd sell and take our original investment/legal expenses back and he could have the profits to buy his next home (or go to school or move to Alaska or whatever.)

My kitchen/entry way is in need of a major cleaning and over-haul. It is the repository for all sorts of crap and piles of unfiled bills and papers. It really needs a functional makeover. I see some more trips to Salvation Army in my future getting rid of stuff. This will be my project/task when the baby goes home next week. I need something to keep me busy and focused (and not mopey, sad and grieving).

I better work quick - because I am sure we'll get another call within a week...

What I've Been Doing For Me Lately

What Have I Done For Me Lately????? Thanks to Tiruba Tuba, at Tubaville, I am now following a blog that is actually NOT related to fostering, adoption, RAD, PTSD, parenting,teaching, or special needs kids, etc. etc.

Yummy, simple, wholesome food....

http://smittenkitchen.com/

Check it out. You'll be smitten, too.

P.S. I don't cook any of it - I just look at it. Less Calories that way........