What Kind of Bird Is That?

Wondering why that hawk keeps circling over our house. Wait. That's not a hawk. Looks like a..... Well, it kind of looks like a stork. A stork ? A STORK!!!!! At our house...???? AGAIN???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our Foster Family Social Worker Sandra stopped in to visit this morning on her way to work early this morning to see Baby D and say good-bye before the baby goes home Friday. Sandra casually asked us (again) if we'd do foster care for another infant and I immediately said YES.

I think she thought I meant YES as in RIGHT NOW

But I meant YES as in NOT UNTIL I am done mourning the loss of Baby D and have read two books, cried my heart out, taken naps, hot showers, cried my heart out again, drank tea, cried some more and ate 3 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies - not until then will I even consider another baby because my heart will be broken in a thousand places missing Baby D.

So, naturally, an hour after Sandra left our house, I got a call from the On-Call Social Worker asking if we'd be open to an infant because he heard that Baby Dee was leaving and we might consider another infant.

And, of course, I impulsively said YES but I need to double check with The Other Mother just to be sure. And, of course, being the rational, practical woman that she is (Oh how we balance one another!!!!) asked "where will he sleep???" and "how will you carry two babies?". And once we straightened out the practical details of caring for two babies until Friday, of course, she said YES, too!

I picked him up and he is a sweet little baby boy - with some very loud and healthy lungs!!!! He is sleeping now - downstairs in the baby's room in the crib and Baby D is sleeping upstairs in her cradle in our bedroom. In fact - everyone in the house is sleeping. Except me.

His Social Worker picks him up tomorrow afternoon for a 3 hour visit with his Bio-Mom. Then I'll nap. Right now I am just too excited to sleep...

What I Will Do For Me

Recent posts have asked the question - "What are you doing to take care of you?" and "What gifts are you giving yourself?"

Since the baby is Really going home on Friday (ENOUGH with the false alarms already!!!) my arms will be empty and my heart sad. I figure I need to find some activities to occupy my time and bury my sorrow.












I admit, some are a little healthier than others....

Beaching It

Enjoyed sharing the beach with the baby last week.

She loved digging in the sand with her little hands.

These photos were taken a half mile from where she'll be living with Bio-Mom.

Lucky. Lucky. Lucky.

We Just Can't Help It

Baby did NOT go home last week as planned. Yeah. I'm exhausted from riding this particular emotional roller coaster. Mom's new apartment on the other side of the state had fleas. Could happen to any of us. She and the boy were bitten up from sleeping on the floor the first night in their new apt. Then she moved to her sister's couch and bombed the apt but developed a serious case of hives when she went back to the apt to get some clothes. Serious hives - requiring a hospital emergency room visit. In addition to the flea bites, she was swollen with hives everywhere. Poor thing. So we don't know if the hives are from the flea bomb or mold or mildew or who knows what in the new apt...so Mom and brother are not in the apt yet and the baby can't go until they get this all straightened out. Everything is still in trash bags/boxes at the new apt because she could not go back in the apt to even unpack. So now we are thinking maybe this Thursday is the new departure date. ARGH.

Meanwhile Bobby was away at a school field trip for 4 days last week so The Other Mother and I took advantage of our almost child-free time and drove to the other side of the state for a few days for some much needed down time and so baby could visit her Bio-Mom (who, as it turns out, was too swollen and itchy and sleepy from her medicines to enjoy much of anything...) We enjoyed our days away and took baby to the ocean where she practiced her sitting up skills and played with the sand. Pure Bliss!!!!!

We Heard from AK (as in Average Kid. Really. We really thought he was just average.) who is LOVING his new foster home which is much, much closer to all the craziness and drama and lies and pregnant teens and his Mom's imaginary terminal cancer and...... whatever the heck else they have going on in his old home town. Seriously. He has called us and is doing well, likes the other teens at the new house and is happy with his new school (which is the same regional middle school where CAL now goes!!!! So at least he knew someone at school....)

Just so you don't think we are completely insane for what I am about to tell you - we ARE able to say NO. Really. It seems like we don't - but we do. You need to know that this past week, we actually said NO to several calls for foster placements: a sibling group of three kids:4, 9 and 13, a brother and sister 9 & 12, and a 6 year old girl....but we finally said YES to a call for a 13 year old boy...I know. I know. What were we thinking?? We can't help that we are drawn to providing foster care for teen boys...we like stinky, noisy, hungry, loud, goofy, awkward, boisterous, busy, adolescent boys. Can't help it.

Anyhow - he arrived late last night. Tired. Hungry. Shy. Nervous. Grateful.

I'd be happy to tell you more about him once we get to know him!

On the agenda for today is getting that boy some clothes (for sleeping he wore my pajama bottoms and The Other Mother's T shirt), going to a horse show down the street and attending the finals of a commmunity basketball tournament before heading home for some grilled steak and a kickin' game of Bananagrams!!!

Just Too Strange

On Thursday AK moved to a foster home much closer to his area of meaningful tie. I feel sad that he is gone - but I also feel like this is a good move for him. Our house was an hour and ten minutes away from the town where EVERYONE is: Mom, Grandma, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and his 3 little sisters (all in different foster homes but still in the same town). Although Step-Dad is not in the same town, at least he is incarcerated nearby.

The new foster home is about 20 minutes away from the town where EVERYONE is. They have older bio-teens and two other foster teen boys: 14 and 16. This will be a nice fit for AK who is definitely a teen ager with teen aged issues:

If I had to overhear one more of his phone conversations that discussed another one of his friend's PREGNANCIES I thought I'd lose my ever lovin' mind. Yes, plural. AS in - more than one. Yes, there are 12 and 13 year old girls in his group of friends from his hometown that are pregnant. He is an 8th grader for crying out loud.

He said this at the dinner table last week: "WE haven't decided on the middle name for C*****'s baby. WE are thinking maybe Mercedes." Like this is a community BABY and a community naming decision among the group of kids that hangs out on the street in his home town. Holy Crap.

Then there is the whole Bio-Mom faking the Cancer thing and just how much AK was in on the scam. AK is amazingly loyal to his family- and not always in a healthy way. She told everyone - including AK- that she had breast Cancer that had spread to her uterus and lungs. Phone calls to her doctors confirmed she did not have cancer - just an abcess and took some antibiotics. She claimed she needed lung biopsies and had radiation and would be losing her hair. So now that Mom has been confronted about never having any "cancer" who knows what she'll say or do to try and get her kids back.

These kids leave a wake of destruction, accusations and upheaval wherever they are placed. In the past, serious, life changing accusations have been made that coincided with Bio-Mom's plans being thwarted. The message is loud and clear: stay out of her way or else who knows what accusations will head your way.

The whole thing is just too strange and the Division of Family Services has their work cut out for them to try and sort Bio-Mom's little tangled web of lies. Two weeks ago we met with our family social worker and also the social worker supervisors to process this situation and come up with a plan that made sense for everyone.

As much as I miss AK, I am glad to have some distance from his crazy family. I need to maintain the healthy boundaries I have for my family. We care about AK, but can no longer provide foster care for him. NOT at the risk of my family's safety.

We parted with hugs and tears and optimism. AK and his new foster family know he is welcome back for respite, vacations and visits if his new social workers approve. In the meantime - we'll see him in a week or two as we need to return some winter things he left in Vermont.

I'm n Love

I am totaly in love with the latest addition to our family.

Three Moms And A Baby

Last night we hosted Baby Dee's Bio-Mom and brother for a celebration dinner at our home. Today Mom and Bro move to The Other Side Of The State, and Baby will follow soon. It was nice, natural, relaxed. Mom and I spend so much time together at appointments we are comfortable with one another. A genuine connection has been made and, I am confident, will continue.

The Other Mother supervised AK and Bobby cleaning up while the brother slept on the couch. He practically fell asleep sitting at the dinner table (his new sleep time med apparently works quickly). We all watched the DVD movie The Other Mother made for the baby (she makes all "our" kids a DVD. Then the boys showed the baby's Mom their movies...

It was comfortable how we traded off and took turns parenting the Baby...Mom cuddled her, I fed her (and let her get quite messy at dinner), Mom undressed her, I got her bath ready, we bathed her, I dried her, Mom dressed her and held her, I held her and put her down to sleep. Together we just stood over her crib and marveled at her...until the Other Mother came in to the room, kissed baby good-night and said "How many Mothers does it take to put one baby to bed?".

Three. I'm thinking three.

Reason Number 6

Reason number 6 why I haven't been blogging is that sometimes I just need to pretend that I am normal (whatever that looks like) and that I just do regular, everyday things like cook dinner, give the baby a bath, do laundry, watch TV and send my kids off to bed at a reasonable hour so I, too, can head upstairs to bed, exhausted, at 10:00 pm and sip my cup of tea and try to do some Suduko or Logic Puzzles or read the latest issue of Smithsonian or National Geographic or Oprah or any of the 20 books and magazines stacked on my nightstand before fall alseep at midnight, thoroughly exhausted.

If I avoid the computer, there is hope that I'll read or get to sleep at a reasonable hour.....

Reason Number 8

Reason Number 8 why I haven't been blogging is I just don't have the words to accurately convey the strange little universe I currently live in. We have ongoing contact with our former foster daughters and consider them still part of the family. When you ask how many kids we have, we include whoever is in the house plus we always say our 3 oldest children are out of the house. We always count our two oldest foster girls and bio son. Right now our son Alex is 20 and the girls are 21 and 22. I don't talk about them much as they are doing their best to begin their lives as young adults, and I respect their privacy and encourage their independence. I am alternately proud of their acccomplishments and cringing at their relationship and life choices....I guess pretty typical parental reactions to pretty typical young adult behaviors....


Anyhow, of our 3 oldest foster girls, TWO of the three have announced they are pregnant. The 17 year old is due in September and the 21 year old is due in October. The 22 year old is NOT pregnant, but the child she gave up for adoption turns 5 next month. So she has her own issues of loss surfacing while the others prepare for babies....

I feel barely equipped at age 48 to meet the many demands of a baby - I just don't get how they'll be able to do it............

Reason Number 7

Reason number 7 why I haven't been blogging is I am just too damn tired to do anything but collapse on the couch and mindlessly sip my cup of tea and flip a few pages of my magazine or book before stumbling up to bed.

Reason Number 9

Reason Number 9 why I haven't blogged. We have been enjoying, basking, wallowing and generally soaking up every last stinkin' minute with Baby Dee before she moves to the other side of the state.

The baby was to go home to Bio-Mom last weekend but housing fell through...something about a lead certificate or some fool thing. Anyhow - Bio-Mom's workers have found another house on the other side of the state and are awaiting the inspections and paperwork. It should be another two weeks or so until she moves far, far, away...

So, Like I said, we are totally grooving on enjoying, basking, wallowing and generally soaking up every last stinkin' minute with Baby Dee.

I somewhat jokingly say "I spend more time with baby Dee's Mom than I do with my spouse". Some weeks it isn't a joke - as I accompany Mom her to all of the baby's numerous medical appointments and most often provide the transportation as well. It has given me an opportunity to further know her, respect her humanity and understand her cognitive limitations and to embrace the crazy mixed up role I have been invited to have in their lives....

Example. Two weeks ago, the Baby was on her regular overnight visit with Mom when she called me saying she was taking the baby to the hospital because she was throwing up and not breathing right. Good call Mom. I am so grateful she called me - using ALL her tools and resources... Together we spent the night in the ER holding a limp, sick baby and going through the blood work, exams and x-rays. Mom's cognitive challenges make it difficult to sometimes understand or convey complex information, so it is good to have another person with her. Thankfully they didn't admit (hospitals are such SICK, germ-filled places...) and we understood we'd be at the doctor daily for rechecks in addition to the other medical appointments we had scheduled. Talk about oversight and checks and balances! I drove Bio-Mom and baby home at 4 am and picked them up at noon for an appointment with the pulmonologist, then at 6 pm back to the pediatrician....Yeah. We spend some time together. Just a little.

Good thing The Other Mother isn't the jealous type.

Where the Heck Have I Been?

Where the Heck have I been, you might ask. Even if you haven't, I'm gonna tell you anyhow...Here are the top ten reasons I haven't been blogging:

REASON NUMBER 10
* AK's Mom does NOT have breast cancer that has spread to her uterus and lungs...In fact - SHE DOESN"t HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!At all........ Never had it!!!!!!

The Division finally called her doctor after we pestered the worker saying "something just ain't right..." I mean, really, Bio-Mom "forgot" to go to her lung cancer biopsy (and so did all the people driving her, helping her recuperate after....Yeah, RIGHT!!!!!) I am so fuming mad -not just over her lies, but that AK appears to be in on the lies...We have been SCAMMED people...and it does not feel right. She put four kids in foster care - why??? so she didn't have to pay heat?? Didn't have to buy winter clothes??? Didn't have to buy Christmas presents???

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!