National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week: Depression

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week: Depression

This was written way in back in September in response to a post by Social Worker 24/7 and Corey.  I held onto it in Draft form and instead published one I had written about my migraines....I was and still am embarassed by my depression and wasn't sure I wanted to expose that part of me to the world.  Today several brave, amazing women are talking about their experiences with depression. Clearly,  it's time for me to dust off this post and hit publish.

September 13-19 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week.  I have already written about my experience with migraines  Today I think I've gotten up the nerve to talk about my depression.

I'm choosing to participate today because: Depression sucks.

The illness I want to talk about is: Depression

I was diagnosed with it in: For my 40th birthday I thought I'd try and quit smoking for the 100th time but this time by taking Bupropion (Wellbutrin/Zyban).  My insurance wouldn't pay for it if I took it to stop smoking (Zyban) but they would pay for the same medicine if I took it for depression (Wellbutrin).  So I did. For a few months.  Then I started smoking again and stopped the Wellbutrin.  The Other Mother noticed a BIG difference.  I noticed a difference (probably didn't notice as much of a difference as she did because I was too depressed!!!)  So I went back to the Dr. and told her what was up and she asked if it was serious depression, did I need to see someone....I said I didn't think it was serious, but definitly noticed a big difference in how I felt.  Then I went off it and then I needed it again. I remember at one appointment saying to the doctor "I get why I'm depressed; my parents are dead and I'm an only child. I've sold my house and I've moved into theirs and I am surrounded by all their stuff to deal with..." Intellectually understanding the "why" of this round of depression was helpful. I remained in the care of my family physician and she renewed my scrip for the next few years.

I did  eventually quit smoking - and haven't smoked since Sept of 2002!

But I've struggled with it since: my teens

Most people assume: That depression is something you can choose.  As if you can just use sheer will power to "snap out of it!" Wouldn't that be nice.

The medications I take: I no longer take medication - but took Wellbutrin off and on for a five year period beginning in 2001.  The nice thing about Wellbutrin is it does not mess with your s*x life like some antidepressants do. Life without org*sms..Now THAT would be realllllyyyyyyy depressing!

Regarding other and/or alternative treatments:  Back then, I should have done ( and still should do) the whole exercise, healthy diet thing.  I know the more active I am, the better I feel.

If I had to choose between an invisible or visible illness: Visible. It makes it easier for others to get it so I don't have to explain it.

People would be surprised to know: I am depressed.  People think of me as cheerful/funny/outgoing.  Which I am - but I'm often being cheerful, funny and outgoing while struggling against feelings of depression (dulled emotions, lowwwww energy, feeling like you are wading thigh high through water while others are strolling on a smooth sidewalk...yeah, blechhhhh...depressed.)  Some days are rough and I wonder if I should go back on meds - but I've switched Health Insurance plans and the new doc is not gonna make things easy.

When someone is diagnosed, I want to tell them: Good for you! When you find the right treatment (meds/therapy/exercise...whatever) you will be amazed at how good you can feel. It will be like putting on eyeglasses and  seeing your world in a whole new way.

When I'm not feeling well, people can help me by: Just understanding I'm having a different life experience from them right now and I feel bad about it.  It is what it is.

I want to be involved with National Invisible Illness Awareness Week because: Depression sucks and the more people know about it, the more folks will get over their shame and deal with their depression and support others who are affected by depression. 

I am thinking about  that poor dog on the Cymb*lta "Who Does Depression Hurt?" commercial whose owner is sooooo depressed, he doesn't want to take the dog for a walk...I don't want to take my dogs for a walk either - but it really is because I'm a lazy sack of potatoes and not just because I have depression.

*This was shortened/adapted from one used by SocialWrkr 24/7 and was also 'jacked with notice from Corey's blog.