Pay It Forward

In a recent blog entry I wrote about The Vocabulary Words we did for AK and Radish.

One of AK's vocabulary words was:

KIND: There is kindness in all you do. At the Fourth of July Parade when you caught the candy - the first thing you did was share it with the little boy next to you.

So of course that got me to thinking of the boys..and Fourth of July...and missing the boys and thinking about all we have done this summer... so I started going through the photos...taking a big old trip down memory lane.

This is what I found.

At the Fourth of July Parade, AK, Radish and Bucksquat dove to catch candy being tossed by those marching in the parade and riding on floats.

I clearly remember AK turning and handing the candy he had just caught to the little boy who was standing near us. What I didn't really notice until now is the last shot of the little guy "Paying It Forward" to Radish!!!!!

This photo made me think. We often don't know the true influence we have on others. Our most mundane everyday actions truly are like pebbles tossed in a pond. It was humbling to witness how, unaware, we can be such a powerful role model to a child. The little boy, hand outstretched, reaffirms my belief that we each have the power to make the world a better place - one piece of candy at a time.

Vocabulary

Before the children we foster children leave our home - we try to do something special. Some families we know have cake or a special dinner. I am not much of a baker; instead, we make things to take and keep and to mark their time in foster care with dignity and pride. For most kids this is a photo scrapbook and a DVD movie the Other Mother has made from photos. Recently, we started making "Vocabulary Words".

The night before he returned home to his family, we gave AK his "Vocabulary Words" to study. These are about 10 words that remind us of the child. The words are written on index cards, hole punched and held together on a metal key ring. Just like at school: the vocabulary word is written on one side and the definition or rememberance is on the other. I use scrapbook style stick on letters for the vocabulary word and the definition is handwritten on the other side. Some of AK's included:

FAST: You always have a quick comeback or funny reply. You get the absurdities of life. You make us all laugh.

ROOM: You always included the other children when you played. Your heart had room for more.

ABLE: You see the possibilities and are able to make lemonade out of lemons. You are an optimist.

OUCH: You get it that it stinks to have your feelings hurt. So you are kind to others and a peacemaker during conflicts.

SIT: You were always patient and willing to sit for the long car rides to Vermont.

MAY: You always asked politely for things that didn't always need asking.

OPEN: You kept an open mind to new ideas, new places, new things, new foods, new friends. You are an adventurer of all that is new: a Brave Explorer!

WHY: You were never embarassed or too cool to ask questions about how the world works. You are interested in learning about life!

KIND: There is kindness in all you do. At the Fourth of July Parade when you caught the candy - the first thing you did was share it with the little boy next to you.

Yup. Definitely miss that kid.

Sew What?

AK - Making a pillow for his Mom in blues - her favorite color.



AK - More pillows for Grandma and Cousin.



Bucksquat made a quilt top for his middle sister.



The center panel of the lap quilt Radish made for Grandma.



I posted recently how each child we have had in our home has learned to quilt: how to measure and cut fabric, fill a bobbin, thread and run a sewing machine, iron seams, stuff a pillow. Create. I am so proud of these kids. More important, they are proud of themselves.

Now That's Mature

Recently I was sitting at the table, glue stick, stickers, colorful index cards at the ready. There I was, trying my best to craft UNDER THE RADAR at the dining room table while the boys watched a movie and puttered about. Keep in mind, the dining area and living area share one large room; we are in the SAME room.

Is it just me or do you find as soon as you sit down and attempt to engage in a solitary, age appropriate, adult activity of your choosing, your children suddenly NEED you for something? In my case, that pretty much covers most of my favorite past times: quilting, reading, doing puzzles, scrapbooking, talking to my spouse, etc.

The kids hunt me down like a wounded animal and insert themselves between me and anything that possibly would take my attention away from them. Subsequently, I haven't worked on a quilt in some time and have finished only one of the five books I have started this month. Of course, sitting up BLOGGING has gotten in the way of my late night reading fests...but, I digress.

Don't get me wrong. Their curiosity has come in handy; each child we have had in our home has learned to quilt: how to measure and cut fabric, fill a bobbin, thread and run a sewing machine, iron seams, stuff a pillow. Create.

Anyhow, I am pretty embarassed to admit that there are times when my kids come and wedge themselves so I can't do anything but focus on them and my solitary project suddenly becomes their group activity. I, sometimes, want to scoop all of my materials close to my ample bosom, look them square in the eye and say loudly "GO AWAY. Mine, mine, mine - ALL MINE".

Now that's mature.

Solitaire - For Two

When I drove RADISH to QUEST last week, I asked him if he would like us to visit and he said yes. We made a plan for Tuesday. When I called Monday and found out I wasn't on the visit list or call list I was sad and worried he'd see this as broken promise rather than as a policy/rule issue. I explained to staff that I understood - but could I still drop off the last of his belongings as promised to him at Admission. I arrived fully expecting just to meet with the Director and the Case Manager. During the time from our phone conversation to my arrival, QUEST made a call and The Division Family Services Supervisor gave us off grounds and unsupervised visits. PHEW.

So, I was able to (unexpectedly!!!) visit RADISH on Tuesday at QUEST. YEAH!!!! He had a shy smile and a quick hug for me. Wow. It was nice to hang out and talk about his week at QUEST: what he's been doing, what cool field trips they have been on, how's the food, who's on his visit list, call list, etc. We hung out for about an hour. I had already visited with his BIO-Grandma earlier that day. I had brought his second bicycle from Vermont and some larger items there for storage until he moves in with BIO-Dad in September. I brought him an inventory list and notes on where specific items are stored (old baseball uniforms in the tub at Grandma's, etc.) I brought his just finished scrapbook. We went through it and talked about the pictures.

Eye contact and proximity are hard for RADISH - so I was nervous when staff directed us to the only two chairs in the room on opposite sides of a kitchen table. I suggested we sit on the couch so it would be easier to look at the photo scrapbook together. It was much more relaxed. Sitting side by side we could both look out the window and avoid the whole eye contact thing in a more natural way. He leaned into me and was pretty relaxed. PHEW again.

After the scrapbook he brought out playing cards and asked me if I could bridge shuffle (NO -not unless you want to play 52 card pick up!!!!) and showed off his impressive shuffling talents. I think the most surprising part of our visit was when I offered to teach him a new type of solitaire game and he not only agreed, but was very present and connected while we played and learned the rules. Besides RAD, his TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) effects his auditory processing and makes instruction of any kind difficult. RAD and TBI together.... Normally he would resist any instructions, any direction, any structured give and take, and any loss of control. But this time it was just FUN. We had fun. F-U-N. Fun. AMAZING!!!!!

As I was leaving staff asked me to fill out a visit form - where I write about our visit and interactions during the visit and staff completes a section on behavior and demeanor before and after the visit. QUEST then reports the information to the Division of Family Services. Pretty Thorough. I am glad there is oversight and extra sets of eyes and ears monitoring.

His CASA MENTOR had already been to visit on Saturday. They went shopping to several sporting goods stores and the Mentor bought him a $250 mountain bike. Nice. Because every kid should have 3 bikes...Radish already has a bike at BIO-Dad's and one at Grandma’s. BIO-Dad is unemployed and living in one room at a Drug Rehab program so you can imagine that money is TIGHT.....Not to worry! The Mentor can drop $250 on a mountain bike...Nice ....How can BIO-Dad compete with that????? I am sure it is not the Mentor's money - but is Mentor Agency money - but do you think RADISH gets the subtlety of that???? ARRGGHHHH. But I digress!!!! BIO Dad has court on Friday in this part of the state and will try to come see him this weekend and RADISH's lawyer had already come to visit. His former adoption social worker (THE STORK) had come to see him on Monday - since his regular social worker is on vacation for a month. So I feel like RADISH is very well connected with extra hearts, eyes and ears. It truly takes a Village....

So we made a plan with QUEST staff for once a week visits - and last night the Other Mother and I took RADISH out to dinner at a local family style chain eatery. Another nice visit. We presented him with his own little study packet of VOCABULARY WORDS (see previous post) and his MOVIE. It was a really nice visit. We made plans for another one next week. I am looking forward to it.

I'm bringing the cards.

Already Gone

AK returned home to his family this morning. Jeez, we are gonnna miss that kid!!!! I am so glad he is reunifying with his mom and sisters, but I am still very sad to see him go. In our house we call that a "HAPPY-SAD". Last night, Bucksquat was pretty disappointed to learn we were NOT going out for ice cream to mark AK's departure. Instead we had a nice summer dinner at home (grilled salmon, grilled chicken, corn on the cob, watermelon AND ice cream) and later worked on packing and finishing up projects.

AK learned how to use the sewing machine this past weekend while we were in VT. He made pillows for Grandma, Mom and a Cousin in their favorite colors. Very sweet. Last night he stuffed and signed them and we sewed them shut.

We added another two pages to his scrapbook of camping and fishing at the lake in Vermont.

I gave AK his "Vocabulary Words" to study. These are about 10 words that remind me of the child written on index cards, hole punched and held together on a key ring. Just like at school: vocabulary word on one side and definition/rememberance on the other.

The Other Mother's tradition is to make each kid thier own DVD movie . She burns it using the many (and I do mean MANY) photos taken of their time in our home. She adds their favorite music (or popular radio song at the time) for the soundtrack and prints a custom CD label...and TAAA DAAAA!!!!! Instant movie star.

Flames, Trolls and Uniforms

Apparently I've been flamed.

Who knew there was such a thing.

I actually had to look it up in G**gle - which led me to W*k*pedia.

Flaming is a hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users. Flaming usually occurs in the social context of a discussion board, Internet Relay Chat (IRC) or even through e-mail. An Internet user typically generates a flame response to other posts or users posting on a site, and such a response is usually not constructive, does not clarify a discussion, and does not persuade others. Sometimes, flamers attempt to assert their authority, or establish a position of superiority over other users. Other times, a flamer is simply an individual who believes he or she carries the only valid opinion. This leads him or her to personally attack those who disagree. In some cases, flamers wish to upset and offend other members of the forum, in which case they can be called "trolls". Most often however, flames are angry or insulting messages transmitted by people who have strong feelings about a subject.


I am new to the blogging world (May 2009) and, apparently, still naive to the entire real life world.

I didn't realize that blogging is pretty much like high school. A place where petty insecurities can rear their ugly heads, bullies and cliques roam the halls, and rumor mills run rampant.


At least I don't have to wear a uniform here.