Where Do Babies Come From?

Quite some time ago, Essie the Accidental Mommy posted about dealing with the age-old "Birds and the Bees" questions with her little ones. All the kids in our house know where babies come from:

The Social Worker.

Hmmmmm. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.

Crystal Balls

I haven't written much about Baby Dee's Genetics appointment she had in early December where she was dignosed with CdLS. She has another Genetics appointment next week so Bio-Mom and Social Worker can go and begin to wrap their minds around what The Other Mother and I have known since the baby came in October. A dear friend had pointed out that baby Dee looked JUST like her daughter with CdLs. Indeed true.

Now we have a diagnosis to explain her many medical complications. Cornelia de Lange Syndrome (CdLS). The Best News is we have a framework for a plan of care and a set of protocols based on her diagnosis. I am grateful that if or when she moves to the other side of the state to be near her Bio-Mom, Baby Dee will now have an appropriate plan of care and her growth and gains will be measured in the context of Cornelia De Lange Syndrome (CdLS), rather than measured against the general population. For example.

At five months and one week she weighed 9 pounds, 3 ounces. She's so tiny, her weight can't be plotted on the graph on the percentile charts for babies her age. How freakin' sad is that to say "She is at the ZERO percentile". But for CdLS kids - she is right smack dab in the middle range to upper range and is doing pretty darn well, thank you very much!!!

Anyhow, the piece I am still processing is how I feel now that I have met her Bio Mother and see her regularly at medical appointments. In early December she first came to a Gastroenterology appointment with the program director of the Drug-Alcohol rehab program where she lives. She is a very sweet woman who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her baby. One of the many sad parts about this situation is that Mom has mental retardation and learning disabilities which clearly impact her ability to process complex information and care for a medically challenged infant. A healthy infant she might manage, with supports, aides, a network etc. Since the summer, she is doing OK parenting her son, aged 7 or 8, who was in previoulsy in foster care for a year. But a school aged boy is different from a medically complex baby.

I am grateful that Mom has elected to stay here in our part of the state for a few months so the baby could stabilize (medically). The Good News is Mom said this , BEFORE the baby's appointment with Genetics, and well before learning of the diagnosis. That gives me hope that she either made the right decision or was successfully coached to make the right decision to stay at the rehab program (even though she "graduated" and could move on) just to be near her baby. Either way, she made the right decision: Good Work Bio Mom!

I just don't know what will happen - what will be "BEST" and what everyone's lives will look like next month. Sometimes I HATE not knowing the future. Don't you????

Court Investigator Visits

A court Investigator called Wednesday afternoon and visited our home Wednesday night to meet Baby Dee and the Mamas. She has a report due Friday and there is a court hearing next Friday. Things could move QUICKLY after next Friday. I have been rather introspective (and not blogging about my BIG FEELINGS) about the whole Baby Dee thing as I come to terms with my changing feelings about her reunification plan. I am actually hoping the baby is reunified with her Bio Mom rather than going to a new foster home on the other side of the state. Her Mom loves her and will have much support and over-sight on the other side of the state. I just hate the idea of her getting bounced from foster home to foster home....ARGHHH. I have seen Attachment Disorder - and it ain't pretty. I hope that Baby Dee's early medical experiences coupled with Failure to Thrive and being sent into Foster Care don't mix a magical potion of Attchment Disorder.

When I told the investiagtor that the baby was placed in our home with a diagnosis of Failure To Thrive (FTT)she commented that now that we have the diagnosis of Cornelia de lange Syndrome (CdLS) we know it wasn't Failure To Thrive. I tried to explain that one does not exclude the other - that the baby could have Failure to Thrive AND CdLS. Even though Mom burped and loved and fed and changed her baby and cared for her to the best of her abilities at some very primal level the baby's needs were not being met (pain from reflux? Being able to breathe without great effort?) and the baby SHUT DOWN, disconnected from her two overwhelming environments (a loud, bustling drug rehab shelter and several neo-natal intensive care hospitalizations) and turned inward: Failure To Thrive. The diagnosis of FTT should not be seen as an indictment against Bio-Mom's parenting skills, but merely an accurate description of what happens to a medically fragile, premature infant when they are in chronic pain and constantly over-stimulated. It ain't pretty.

I praised Mom's involvement at doctor's appointments and related several anecdotes on how Mom demonstrated "doing the right thing" for the baby - puting the baby's needs first, and following subtle instructions on caring for the baby. we also reiterated that Bio-Mom's cognitive challenges would make it VERY DIFFICULT for Mom to understand and convey the complex medical information she'd be dealing with. We suggested she could carry Medical Alert Cards for protocols for the baby's care and have a letter for physicians/clinicans outlining some CdLS protocols.

We offered to be an ongoing resource, transport the baby across the state for transitional visits to Mom's new apt. before reunifying, provide respite if needed, remain a supportive presence in both Mom's and the baby's life - and to be open to having the baby return to us if Mom relapses from her recovery. We also said we'd keep her forever if we could. How could we not?????

So we reported honestly and hope and pray for the best - what ever the judge decides BEST will look like.

A Miracle and a Healing Balm

The visiting nurse called at 8:00 am, with apologies, to cancel this morning's 8:30 am appointment. Apparently, she woke up to pink eye. I calmly and sincerely told her "Sure. No problem. Feel better soon."

Inside, of course, I am jumping up and down yelling "Yippee!!!!!!! Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus and Conjunctivitis!!!!I have NO appointments today!!What a freaking MIRACLE!!!!! No appointments!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWOOOOOOT WOOOT!!!

Here I am, finally, with a free day to tackle some of the many neglected projects looming over my head. Including some dust bunnies I can saddle for heaven's sake!Instead, I choose to spend some time with K, M and A. They are three fabulous women from our foster and adoptive support groups. Sadly, M was not able to join us - her two little ones were both sick and heading home from the pediatrician's office when I called. So K, A, and I met at 11:15 for a brunch/lunch at a beautiful old country store/organic restaurant/central hub of the community/local rural landmark.

Bliss. Catching up with their news- both sad and happy. Adult conversation. Conection with Moms who KNOW all that we deal with: RAD, PTSD, CdLS, ODD. Eneurisis, crazy foster care bureacracy, etc. etc.

I truly appreciate the chance to spend time with both Ann and Kay. Missed Mary. These women are a healing balm.

Kay's daughter Jane, also has CdLS like Baby Dee. Jane was adopted from foster care as an infant, is now in third grade and is so stinking cute. Kay and her husband Bill have fostered over a hundred and fifty childen and adopted four. After brunch I went back to Kay and Bill's house so Bill could OHHH and AHHH over the baby. The baby loved Bill. Bill loved the baby. I Love them and want to be like them when I grow up. If I ever grow up, that is.

Some Random Potty Talk

This month's Rotarian arrived on Saturday. If you aren't familiar, it is a magazine for Rotary members- yes, The Other Mother is a member of Rotary. Don't judge. She's also the past president of the Kiwanis. Don't judge or laugh. Really. I said don't laugh. I see you smirking.

Anyhow, the feature article was all about the lack of appropriate sanitary toilet facilites for the disposal of human waste, and the resulting contaminated drinking water in many developing countries which leads to disease and death and what Rotary is doing about it.

The article focused on the reasonable goal of bringing folks one step at a time up the ladder of sanitation. "After open defecation, the next rung is unimproved sanitation facilities, such as uncovered pit latrines and bucket latrines, which don’t provide a barrier between people and their waste products. Then come facilities that are shared by more than one household, such as public toilets. At the top of the ladder, improved sanitation facilities ensure that waste is fully separated from human contact and eventually handled in a hygienic fashion. These include pit latrines with a slab, ventilated improved pit latrines, eco squat toilets, composting toilets, and flush toilets that are connected to a septic tank or sewer system.

Interesting article.

Who knew there was so much going on with toilets??? It was fascinating. Read it here http://www.rotary.org/en/MediaAndNews/TheRotarian/Pages/toilets1001.aspx



Then today on CNN.com there was another great article about two women Sasha Kramer, 33, and Sarah Brownell, 34, founders of Sustainable Organic Integrated Livelihood (SOIL) are working in Haiti to improve sanitation with composting toilets. Disease is rampant, and it's still common for children to die from fecal contamination in the water. UNICEF estimates that 70 percent of Haitians do not have access to "safe drinking water and adequate sanitation." Wow. That is just wrong. The article quotes Karmer: "the most prevalent human rights abuse is really poverty and the fact that people didn't have access to their basic needs." Amen sister. To highlight the importance of their eforts, they even passed along a little of their finished compost to former President Clinton when he was recently visiting Haiti. (Check thier work at http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/01/04/haiti.SOIL.toilets/index.html

Anyhow - the point of this random post? I don't know. I think I am just feeling a little guilty in my 4 bedroom, 2 and a half bath home with my choice of bathrooms to use when so many in the world don't have even one proper flush toilet in their whole village.

Once again, dear God, I am thankful for all the blessings and conveniences that we have, especially flush toilets and hot running water. Amen

My Avatar Only Has One Chin

Found one of those silly "cartoon yourself" gadgets on some website today and made myself an avatar. Best I could do. Poor thing only has one chin.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! We are back from a whole week in Vermont - we even had Christmas there. Although I haven't blogged in a looonnngggg time, rest assured that I have not fallen off the face of the earth - just have hunkered down with my crazy lovable patchwork family (four boys and a baby and my beautiful, wonderful wife)to enjoy the school vacation week in Vermont - visiting with wonderful friends, enjoying the warmth of the woodstove and the silence of the falling snow, renewing my spiritual batteries at church, helping our oldest son really make a plan for enlisting in the military... Enjoying watching the baby discover FOOD: first veggies and fruits happened this week and she is a CHOW HOUND!But, mostly I have been basking in the glow of having NO APPOINTMENTS: no Psychiatrists, no Therapists, no Basketball practice, no Dentists, no Doctors, no Social Workers, no family visits, no NOTHING...Glorious nothing....Bliss.

Yeah - I know...all that will end, come Monday, when the crazy schedule begins again - but, in the meantime, let me enjoy it while I can....