Back Burner

The Other Mother and I are about to have our first child-free vacation in Three years!!!! Three Years. Really. Well, three years ago we went overnight to a regional foster parent conference - but that didn't really count as a vacation. Our darling children (17, 18 and 19 at the time) didn't give us a moment of peace while we were there and we actually had to leave early because of their antics. So it has probably been more like four years.

Holy smokes. Four years!!!!!!!!! No wonder I am totally exhausted.

Anyhow, we were going to go away to a Bed and Breakfast on Lake Champlain- but I am feeling a little financially conservative since I recently (two weeks ago) resigned from my position at the Elementary School to be a Stay At Home Mom. We are also just feeling the need to Sloooowww doooownnnn and relaxxxxxxxxxxxxx...rather than "GO GO GO!!SPEND SPEND SPEND!!!" So, at this point we are heading to our camp near the Canadian border where we will just hang around and enjoy the quiet. Maybe we'll take a day trip or two, pick some blueberries, go to the lake, take naps, read books. Paint, sew. Go out to eat at a restaurant that does not serve chicken nuggets. Nothing big is on our agenda.

Bucksquat leaves tomorrow morning for a week long summer camp for siblings separated by foster care and adoption. There he'll be in heaven hanging out with two of his three sisters and about a hundred other kids. FUN. Buckshot is heading south for a few days to visit his bio Dad, step Mom and two half brothers before his college classes start....so The Other Mother and I will have the house to ourselves. YIPPEEEE!!!!

We've talked about how easy it has been to put ourselves on the back burner and neglect the hobbies and interests we used to have. We used to spend more time doing things like reading, quilting, gardening, working out, running, or painting. Now we spend time in therapist's waiting rooms, on the phone with workers or driving hours for visits with bio families and siblings. Our free time has become less free. Don't get me wrong, our lives are definitly richer with more children in the house. And This fall we will, indeed, have more children. We've already had placement calls from The Division of Families and have said "No- not yet."

We told our worker we needed these past few weeks to regroup, reconnect with our 10 year old and time to process the emotions of having both boys (AK and Radish) transition home to their bio families. As happy as we are that they returned home to their families - and as relieved as we are not to be dealing with constant RADICAL behaviors - we still feel this empty loss and sadness when a kid goes home. To have two children we have loved leave within a week....and even though we know this is the nature of what we do - it still feels AWFUL.

We hope to spend the next few days relaxing, reprioritizing and reconnecting...but mostly to begin the important work of finding a better balance in caring for others and caring for ourselves.