Does This Family Come In Another Color?

James' does not want to live with us...the problem is we are white. White women to be exact. What he really wants is a foster family of color. Any color except white. If he can't have that he'd like to be in a family with a Dad.  Any color dad, including white. If he can't have that then he'd stay with us.

In either scenario he would like to live in  nearby city with a reputation of being as intellectually liberal and culturally diverse as our city. Problem is there are maybe 5 foster families in that city, none of whom are of color. When kids in that city need foster care, they wind up in my city: having to switch schools, sports teams, commuity connections. It sucks.

His bio-mom and grandmother, therapist, psychiatrist, teammmates, schoolmates, coaches few friends and mentor all live in this town. If he moves to another city he will lose the ease of access to these resources.  Most importantly, If he moves to another city he will lose his school connections.  Now, the teachers here love him, and a few have known him since first grade.  His teachers understand his quirky behaviors and processing issues, learning challenges, behavior problems and are totally committed to his successs.  If he moves to another town they won't know him and love him and will likely perceive him as just another tough punk @ss  kid....

Okay. If he needed eyeglasses, we'd get him eyeglasses. He wants a family of color...or a dad of any color... How can I deny him that???? 

I don't take it personal anymore. I did at first.....I was hurt that we were perceived as lacking, that we weren't good enough..that we weren't fun enough, busy enough.  You know what? It is NOT about us...

Of course the real issue is that the Division of Family Services is sorely lacking in foster families of color...how do I know this?  The Social Worker (who is a person of color) asked me if I knew of any foster families of color.....Ummmm...wouldn't you know since you work for DFS???? Finding ethnic homes, wouldn't that be DFS's job????  Ummmmm. Sure...I guess I can do that. Whatever.

I had talked to James and his Social Worker about my plan and I asked permission to bring his photo album. They agreed. James also understood that any advocacy on my part would not necessarily result in a home for James (by the time a person is interested, makes inquiries, discusses it with spouse or family, agrees, get's background checks, attends an 8 week parenting class that runs only 4 times a year, then fills out a crazy long application, gets references checked, fingerprinted and a homestudy written we are talking six months to a year....) so the work I was doing  might benefit kids of color - but not necessarily him.

So I went to the "World-Wide-Clips" salon (the ONLY ethnic barber shop in both of our towns)
and waited for an hour to get my hair trimmed by the owner.....who was a bit surprised to have me - a middle aged white woman - sitting in his chair all cheerful and perky asking for a trim in the back.  You see, I cut my own hair and it is pretty short right now - so there wasn't much hair to cut! It is difficult to do the back evenly, so the Other Mother ususally does a line-up in the back after I have hacked away. I was there to get my back cleaned up and because I thought it was the best way to have his "ear" for at least 20 minutes....

He remembered cutting James' hair and remembered me from past visits. I explained I was hoping he could make some connections for me to recruit foster families of color to fill a need in the community. It went so well that after my trim, he told the other two stylists he was going to go next door to the restaurant where we could talk uninterrupted....So we left his salon with plenty of folks waiting their turn and went next door for some quick, yummy mexican food....and we talked and talked and talked....


Bottom line: he is willing to introduce me to folks who may have connections to public forums where I could speak and recruit some foster families of color (like churches, civic groups, men's clubs etc) The best part - he offered to host a social event at his salon after hours and invite folks who may be instrumental in getting this party started!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yippeeeee.