Wednesday, September 8, 2010
30 Day Challenge: Day 9: A photo that I took
Day 9-A photo I took of Cody the dog and Nicodemus (Nick) the cat in 2008 being total snuggle buddies and outrageous bedhogs: laying across our king size bed and pushing me to the outer edges. Yup that lump near the bedpost is my feet... My shin and thigh a pillow for each spoiled beastie. I'm barely even on the bed for heaven's sake!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
30 Day Challenge: Day 8: A photo that makes me angry or sad
Two years ago on June 21, we quietly "eloped" in our front yard and were married by a Justice of The Peace. We were soon to be adopting Bobby and our being married was another way to protect him and make our family even more legal in a country where not every state recognizes same sex adoption. Besides, after almost 18 years together- what the heck? We did not invite family members, just at the very last minute we invited The Other Mother's parents. Sadly, this caused a huge rift between us and her family that time has not healed. If anything, it has exposed even more "big" feelings: their not recognizing Bobby as a grandchild, for example, and their disapproval of our providing foster care. We used to spend most Sundays at their house for "Sunday Supper" and pretty much every holiday. So it makes me sad that our family isn't welcome there and we no longer have that connection. It also makes me angry that for so many years I really thought we were an accepted part of their family. I feel now like we were just tolerated until we crossed a line. It makes me sad that I am not yet in a place to forgive and forget and move forward. It makes me angry at myself for having a cold place in my heart where there should be warmth and forgiveness. This whole thing also makes me miss my Mom and Dad, who have been dead now for 10and 8 years. My parents did accept us and I'm so sad they aren't here to enjoy Bobby, see Alex grown and how our family has evolved.
This is a photo of the family we estranged from that makes me both sad and angry and was taken in 2004.
This is a photo of the family we estranged from that makes me both sad and angry and was taken in 2004.
Monday, September 6, 2010
30 Day Challenge: Day 7: A photo that makes me smile.
Two brothers who were the ring bearers at our wedding in 2008. They are no longer in foster care, so I can show their photo. They remain in contact with us actually called us yesterday to see what we were doing. Not an uncommon occurance on a long holiday weekend. I'm sure they were working their Mom's last good nerve! On Mothers' Day this year, their Mom brought all 4 kids by with gifts for us. Hers was the only greeting card we received on Mothers Day! Seeing these boys and remembering their time with us truly makes me smile.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Dear Abby: Is this normal?
Standing here in the kitchen, The Other Mother just told me in her most emphatic voice that she needs to go to 7*11 or Dunk*n Donuts so she can use their bathroom. OKaayyyyyy????.... We have two full and one half baths...and she needs to (ahem) "go" elsewhere?
I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that we have four boys with bad aim, a warped sense of cleanliness, BIG FEELINGS, and limited attention span to attend to the task at hand.
She thinks the bathrooms are contaminated. I'm afraid she may be right.
Tonight we used a spray bleach cleanser on the floor, walls and toilet and we are still a little grossed out in our own home.......is this normal?
30 Day Challenge: Day 6: Twenty Things I Love
Random
1. The Other Mother
2. Reading
3. Cup of hot tea in the evening
4. Travel mug of coffee in the morning (made with love by The Other Mother)
5. Long drives in the car
6. All things New England (with a shout out to Vermont and Cape Cod!)
7. The smell of the earth as it begins to rain
8. Laughing til I pee my pants
9. Hot showers
10. Puppy bellies
11. My children
12. Handcrafted artistic creations
13. Drippy juicy saturn peaches
15. Chocolate Almond Chip ice cream
16. Dear friends who get it (whatever "it" may be)
17. Coorespondence/sending mail
18. The satisfaction of paying bills
19. Remembering my parents
20. Quilting
1. The Other Mother
2. Reading
3. Cup of hot tea in the evening
4. Travel mug of coffee in the morning (made with love by The Other Mother)
5. Long drives in the car
6. All things New England (with a shout out to Vermont and Cape Cod!)
7. The smell of the earth as it begins to rain
8. Laughing til I pee my pants
9. Hot showers
10. Puppy bellies
11. My children
12. Handcrafted artistic creations
13. Drippy juicy saturn peaches
15. Chocolate Almond Chip ice cream
16. Dear friends who get it (whatever "it" may be)
17. Coorespondence/sending mail
18. The satisfaction of paying bills
19. Remembering my parents
20. Quilting
Saturday, September 4, 2010
30 Day Challenge
OK. A Thirty Day Challenge that does NOT involve me exercising, giving up chocolate, caffeine or potato chips. This I might be able to do. I also like the idea of it giving me structure to take time to write daily. I got this from Obladi Oblada. She got it from Rain and Rain Got it from Sweet Pea..and who knows where Sweet Pea got it from...which is why I am constantly reminding my children to wash their hands....
Anyhow, below is the list of what to blog about. I will, of course, still blog my unusual and usual stuff too....
So please forgive me for taking the cheap and easy way out by playing catch up below since it is already September 4th and when I wake up it will be Day 5 already!
Day 1-Favorite Song (Free Falling - Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers 1989- ahhh a song of hope and renewal: My own little National Anthem that reminds me of my life in my 20's, my son being born in 1989, and my divorce at 30 not being an ending, but the start of a whole new wonderful life free falling to where I am each and every time I hear it)
Day 2- Favorite Movie (A Patch of Blue - Sidney Poitier and Shelly Winters, Elizabeth Hartman, 1965: A blind, uneducated white girl is befriended by a black man, who becomes determined to help her escape her impoverished and abusive home life and the resulting problems that plague their relationship when they fall in love in a racially divided America) I shoulda known then I was destined for a career in human services...)
Day 3-Favorite TV show (hard to pick one: West Wing, Dexter, CSI Miami because it is just sooo hokey)
Day 4-Favorite Book (I am a book SLUT..so I must list several: Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund, (yeah - never mind Moby Dick - read this instead); the Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (I'm sad they are making it into a movie..); The Bright Forever by Lee Martin (the way each chapter draws you in further and then goes back to tweak the reality- or is that really how it happened?); Most books by Stephen King (love to get lost in his books where the simple everyday things are the most frightening); The No. 1 Ladies Detective series by Alexander McCall Smith (a great sense of place and wise views of humanity delivered simply and humorously- you feel like you are in Botswana when reading his books); ohhhh the list goes on....too many favorite books! And don't get me started on magazines!
Day 5-Favorite Quote "Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car" and "You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind"
Day 6-20 of your Favorite Things
Day 7-A photo that makes you happy
Day 8-A photo that makes you angry or sad
Day 9-A photo you took
Day 10-A Photo taken over ten years ago of you
Day 11-A photo of you recently
Day 12-Something you are OCD about
Day 13-A fictional book
Day 14-A non fictional book
Day 15-Your dream house
Day 16-A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17-An art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18-Your wedding
Day 19-A talent of yours
Day 20-A hobby of yours
Day 21-A recipe
Day 22-A Website
Day 23-A youtube video
Day 24-Where you live
Day 25-Your day in great detail
Day 26-Your week in great detail
Day 27-Your worst habit
Day 28-Whats in your handbag/purse
Day 29-Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30-A dream for the future
Ok - I'm going to be giving it my best shot here............Comments and encouragement welcome!
Anyhow, below is the list of what to blog about. I will, of course, still blog my unusual and usual stuff too....
So please forgive me for taking the cheap and easy way out by playing catch up below since it is already September 4th and when I wake up it will be Day 5 already!
Day 1-Favorite Song (Free Falling - Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers 1989- ahhh a song of hope and renewal: My own little National Anthem that reminds me of my life in my 20's, my son being born in 1989, and my divorce at 30 not being an ending, but the start of a whole new wonderful life free falling to where I am each and every time I hear it)
Day 2- Favorite Movie (A Patch of Blue - Sidney Poitier and Shelly Winters, Elizabeth Hartman, 1965: A blind, uneducated white girl is befriended by a black man, who becomes determined to help her escape her impoverished and abusive home life and the resulting problems that plague their relationship when they fall in love in a racially divided America) I shoulda known then I was destined for a career in human services...)
Day 3-Favorite TV show (hard to pick one: West Wing, Dexter, CSI Miami because it is just sooo hokey)
Day 4-Favorite Book (I am a book SLUT..so I must list several: Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund, (yeah - never mind Moby Dick - read this instead); the Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (I'm sad they are making it into a movie..); The Bright Forever by Lee Martin (the way each chapter draws you in further and then goes back to tweak the reality- or is that really how it happened?); Most books by Stephen King (love to get lost in his books where the simple everyday things are the most frightening); The No. 1 Ladies Detective series by Alexander McCall Smith (a great sense of place and wise views of humanity delivered simply and humorously- you feel like you are in Botswana when reading his books); ohhhh the list goes on....too many favorite books! And don't get me started on magazines!
Day 5-Favorite Quote "Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car" and "You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind"
Day 6-20 of your Favorite Things
Day 7-A photo that makes you happy
Day 8-A photo that makes you angry or sad
Day 9-A photo you took
Day 10-A Photo taken over ten years ago of you
Day 11-A photo of you recently
Day 12-Something you are OCD about
Day 13-A fictional book
Day 14-A non fictional book
Day 15-Your dream house
Day 16-A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17-An art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18-Your wedding
Day 19-A talent of yours
Day 20-A hobby of yours
Day 21-A recipe
Day 22-A Website
Day 23-A youtube video
Day 24-Where you live
Day 25-Your day in great detail
Day 26-Your week in great detail
Day 27-Your worst habit
Day 28-Whats in your handbag/purse
Day 29-Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30-A dream for the future
Ok - I'm going to be giving it my best shot here............Comments and encouragement welcome!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Stay Out Of The Fray
If you are a foster, bio or adoptive parent, you surely have experienced the strange dance of crazy negative attention seeking behaviors that our children display...It is sooooo hard to "Stay Out Of The Fray" (as my grandmother used to say) and remain cool and detached. The Middle and Oldest Little are experts at creating chaos. They feed off of one another in a dizzying, unhealthy way; they are much like twin tornados
The casual details of thier life at home, what brought them into care, just leak out in their play and conversation in such a matter of fact - no big deal manner. I must have said a dozen times yesterday "I'm sorry, the (dishwasher, TV, car, dog) was so loud, I didn't hear you. What did you say?" Because I couldn't have possible heard what they just said. Did he really say that? He did. Oh.My.Stars. I have anxiously spewed the summary of my days to two social workers and the Littles Attorney. Their world view is skewed, tilted. Upside down. I am disturbed.
I am all for siblings remaining together - but sometimes I really wonder if it is the healthiest.
The Littles seem to be wired as heat seeking missiles - looking for a unsuspecting target to create the devastating explosions they are sadly used to. The familiar explosions that without, their day must seem just a little dull and boring.
I patiently redirect, I use my very best calm teacher voice. I try to put a smile in my eyes. I remind them we use our words to show our feelings, not our hands and body. I remind them they are good boys, they can make choices. We made a little poster and hung it on the kitchen cabinet to remind them. They are trying to learn a new language. God love 'em, they do keep trying!
Just an aside. The cologne/aftershave that James has just started wearing smells like cedar shavings. Ya know. Hamster bedding? Yeah. In addition to the smell of football equipment and adolescent boy funk, my house now smells like a Pet Shop. Lovely. I suppose in 90 degree heat, things could smell a whole lot worse.
The baby is napping. Bobby has gone to a neighboring town to paint a four-square on the playground of their Elementary School, James is grooving on watching one of the Little's Disney movies (it is never to late to have a childhood in our house!!!!) and the Littles are bickering as they play with MY action figurine collection on the front porch..yeah, I'm a good sharer...and today I made good choices about sharing my special toys today so I could get 20 minutes to blog......)
PS (Tornado pic is Twin funnels in Elkhart, Indiana on April 11, 1965.Photo from National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration/ Department of Commerce. The other pics I just googled. I have got to figure out how to properly acknowledge and use pics in my blog....)
The casual details of thier life at home, what brought them into care, just leak out in their play and conversation in such a matter of fact - no big deal manner. I must have said a dozen times yesterday "I'm sorry, the (dishwasher, TV, car, dog) was so loud, I didn't hear you. What did you say?" Because I couldn't have possible heard what they just said. Did he really say that? He did. Oh.My.Stars. I have anxiously spewed the summary of my days to two social workers and the Littles Attorney. Their world view is skewed, tilted. Upside down. I am disturbed.
I am all for siblings remaining together - but sometimes I really wonder if it is the healthiest.
The Littles seem to be wired as heat seeking missiles - looking for a unsuspecting target to create the devastating explosions they are sadly used to. The familiar explosions that without, their day must seem just a little dull and boring.
Just an aside. The cologne/aftershave that James has just started wearing smells like cedar shavings. Ya know. Hamster bedding? Yeah. In addition to the smell of football equipment and adolescent boy funk, my house now smells like a Pet Shop. Lovely. I suppose in 90 degree heat, things could smell a whole lot worse.
The baby is napping. Bobby has gone to a neighboring town to paint a four-square on the playground of their Elementary School, James is grooving on watching one of the Little's Disney movies (it is never to late to have a childhood in our house!!!!) and the Littles are bickering as they play with MY action figurine collection on the front porch..yeah, I'm a good sharer...and today I made good choices about sharing my special toys today so I could get 20 minutes to blog......)
PS (Tornado pic is Twin funnels in Elkhart, Indiana on April 11, 1965.Photo from National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration/ Department of Commerce. The other pics I just googled. I have got to figure out how to properly acknowledge and use pics in my blog....)
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