This is a photo of the family we estranged from that makes me both sad and angry and was taken in 2004.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
30 Day Challenge: Day 8: A photo that makes me angry or sad
Two years ago on June 21, we quietly "eloped" in our front yard and were married by a Justice of The Peace. We were soon to be adopting Bobby and our being married was another way to protect him and make our family even more legal in a country where not every state recognizes same sex adoption. Besides, after almost 18 years together- what the heck? We did not invite family members, just at the very last minute we invited The Other Mother's parents. Sadly, this caused a huge rift between us and her family that time has not healed. If anything, it has exposed even more "big" feelings: their not recognizing Bobby as a grandchild, for example, and their disapproval of our providing foster care. We used to spend most Sundays at their house for "Sunday Supper" and pretty much every holiday. So it makes me sad that our family isn't welcome there and we no longer have that connection. It also makes me angry that for so many years I really thought we were an accepted part of their family. I feel now like we were just tolerated until we crossed a line. It makes me sad that I am not yet in a place to forgive and forget and move forward. It makes me angry at myself for having a cold place in my heart where there should be warmth and forgiveness. This whole thing also makes me miss my Mom and Dad, who have been dead now for 10and 8 years. My parents did accept us and I'm so sad they aren't here to enjoy Bobby, see Alex grown and how our family has evolved.
This is a photo of the family we estranged from that makes me both sad and angry and was taken in 2004.
This is a photo of the family we estranged from that makes me both sad and angry and was taken in 2004.
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I'm sorry it's such a bittersweet photo for you, when it should only be sweet...You are an awesome couple with a wonderful family.
ReplyDeleteIntolerance is ugly. I hate this for you both- and for your children. Praying that one day time and understanding will change their hearts so that yours can heal! Keep keeping on!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you both. It is funny about that line. It is a wee bit like that with my inlaws. My BIL who I have known since he was 9 for goodness sake, was freaked when we could actually marry in 2004. Mind you we had been together since '78 but the invite to the JP wedding was more than he could handle. It hurt, but I think we had known each other so long we were able to get past it. And oddly enough he was okay coming to our house for the small reception, just not the wedding!
ReplyDeletePoop.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Corey. Poop, is right. I wold be sad and angry too when I looked at that picture. Not only for yourselves, but for your kids...what a shame. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWell, ya'll (yep, I said it...I am from Texas, so I can) have a sister down here. Sucks that minds that are closed don't just listen to hearts. Damnnit.
ReplyDeletedid they just not understand the depth of your relationship/were they just living in intentional ignorance or was it the "ceremony" that pushed them to the brink.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Corey. Poop
Sorry to read this and we understand as well... it was our wedding (tho not legal in Oregon) that did this between my partner and her brother. The brother who was seemingly ok with her and her life for years... but add getting married and children and... well, it's sad. We are both very lucky to have supportive parents.
ReplyDeleteI hope your extended family can open their minds and hearts someday soon.
So I am behind in my blog reading...I hear you on that "line-crossing" thing. We eloped too (3 years ago on June 26th)and telling family was the hardest. When we told C's mother she said "Oh" and proceeded to talk about C.'s older brother and his wife and the goings on in their life. She didn't even acknowledge that she heard the news and even when her husband congratulated us she pretended not to hear it. However, maybe there is hope since she started "coming around" to the us-being-married thing less than a year ago. Who knows, maybe there's hope...
ReplyDelete