A baby???

Tomorrow morning I drive to a large hospital here in New England and after training and consults will pick up a tiny little baby. She is about 6 pounds. Six pounds is a good size for a newborn - except this little girl is several months old.

She has some medical problems and sometimes stops breathing. She is considered failure to thrive and they are testing her for many other problems. At just a few months, she has been in the hosital several times and already has specialists and Visiting Nurses that come to the program where she was living with her Bio Mom and school aged brother. Bio-Mom has Developmental Disabilites and is living in a drug rehab shelter very near to our home. Less than a mile, actually. According to the Visiting Nurses, Mom loves her baby and they are bonded. Bio-Mom is doing the best she can - and right now the Shelter Staff, Nurses, Doctors, Social Workers and Courts think that isn't good enough. That isn't safe enough. Her baby stops breathing. Mom can't safely care for her. My heart breaks for Mom.

I'd like to think the reason we were called was because DFS knows how hard we work to support reunification plans and our willingness to coach and mentor the parents of the children we care for. Our ongoing relationship with RADISH and his family is a good example. DFS also knows we are experienced and comfortable working with folks with Mental Retardation. The Other Mother and I have both worked for many years with folks with a variety of cognitive and physical challenges. That may be a plus, but that's not why they are placing this baby with us.

I'd like to think it is because we are experienced with medically fragile infants. But the truth is we are not.

I'd like to think it is because we are experienced at fostering infants. But the truth is we haven't had an infant in our home since Buckshot was a wee babe almost twenty years ago. Our skill set is RAD, PTSD or Crazy Teens. Not babies.

I'd like to think it is because we caught the baby bug and asked for infants. But the truth is we just yesterday afternoon had our annual re-licensing evaluation where we told out family social worker that we would take boys 5-18, and would be comfortable adopting older teen boys or a sibling group of 2-3 boys. Only boys. DFS prefers not to place boys and girls together, and we already have Bucksquat and Cal. A housefull of boys. A housefull of brothers. A housefull of teens. Anything but babies.

I'd like to think it is because our Social Worker didn't hear us or ignored us. But the truth is we saw her again, last night, at our monthly Foster Parent Support Group training night. Good training. GREAT trainer. We have heard this trainer speak before and just LOVE her. She brought her stinking cute baby and the six of us moms and our social worker took turns holding, cuddling, bouncing and making ridiculous noises to entertain this sweet little guy. After playing pass the baby we again reminded our Social Worker "no babies".

So today our Social worker called and asked us to take a medically challenged infant.

Why??? Do you want to hear the sad truth or the happy truth first???

The Happy Truth for this litle baby and Mom is we can support their bonded parent relationship through frequent visits because we live less than a mile from Bio-Mom's Shelter and just a few minutes from a very good hospital. We are willing to be trained, willing to have Visiting Nurses in our home, willing to try. GOOD JOB DFS!!!

And the Sad truth??? The Sad Truth is that we were the best option for this little girl and her Mom. The Sad truth is there are not enough foster families out there who are skilled, willing and able to care for the wide range of folks most in need.

Please, Please, Please ask someone you know to consider becoming a foster parent.