Who knew we needed a baby to love? To just love??? To sit and oohh and ahhh over her every breath? To echo her every smile? Mimic her scrunched up nose? Gently hold her tiny, shaky, graspy, long fingered hands? Chart her feeds and warm her bottles and measure her medicines? Marvel at her toxic poops and bodaciously loud farts? Rub her back and soothe her cries. Proudly commend her impressive belches and burps??? Who knew we needed a baby to love? Just sit and hold and walk and pat and love, love, love??
How strange it is to NOT. Yes, to NOT. Not micro manage her behaviors. Not second guess her motivations. Not have a contingency response for her dysregulation. Not having to worry about regulating my own carefully modulated, non-reactionary, vocalized responses to her RADical, PTSD, ODD, etc. etc. behaviors. Not worrying about triggering events and trauma anniversaries? Not worrying about sexual reactivity and stealing and lying. Not charting meltdowns and filling pill dispensers with psych meds. She's a baby for heaven's sake! How very strange, indeed.
For a long, long time we said we'd only do teens. Then, three summers ago, Bucksquat, I mean, Bobby. His real name is Bobby. Bobby came into our life. He was visitng one of his three older sisters (a teenager who was with us in foster care) and asked if he could come live with us...he was at a residential treatment facility and knew he wanted a family. We said we only did teens. He wasn't buying it. He knew. With the encouragement of his Adoption Social Worker, Nonie -whom we lovingly call The Stork, he worked us until we said yes. Now we have adopted him.
Who knew? Apparently, Nonie did. Thank you Nonie.
For the past five years we have told our social worker, and all the placement workers and adoption workers "No babies!!!" Four to eighteen year olds: YES. Teen boys: YES. Teen girls: a gun-shy reluctant and hesitant yes. A sibling group of 3: Heck YES. Anything but babies. No Babies. So Susan, our family Social Worker with the Division of Family Services, knowing all of this, still calls us about caring for Baby Dee and we say YES. What was she thinking? What were we thinking??? Here we are today with a medically involved, premature, Failure To Thrive infant and are falling fast in love with her. ARGH!!!!!!!!
Who knew???? Apparently Susan did. Thank you Susan.
Who knew we could foster and care for and love with the very core of our being, other people's children. Damaged, sad, wounded, angry children with stories that no one should hear and few would believe. Who knew we have open minds and can support and honor the bio-parent bond and not judge? Who knew we have a capacity to love and care for these amazing, resilient, children for what ever time they are with us and then let them go?
Who knew???? Apparently God did. Thank you God.
Who knew? He knew.
ReplyDeleteJust when I thought my baby lust was dead and gone...dang, you had to post that picture. ;-) Enjoy her, bodaciously loud farts and all.
Swore we were adopting older sibling group and ended up bringing home a 7 month old. Swore we "may, possibly" consider fostering a newborn for our agency once we were licensed ... maybe once a year ... maybe. Ended up fostering all babies for two years.
ReplyDeleteI think God has a good chuckle over all of us some days.
What a beautiful picture and post! I am missing babies now too!
ReplyDeleteAwwwww.
ReplyDeleteSweet, sweet post. I needed this today. Thank you so much....
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I think babies teach us how to love.
ReplyDeleteAwwww. Does she make the sweet little gurgly sounds when she eats? I want a baby girl to dress ridiculously frilly. Enjoy her (like I need to tell you that)
ReplyDeleteOkay I am in years over that post. My dream is to foster medically fragile infants and toddlers. Hopefully one day..Until then I will live thru you lol
ReplyDelete